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Teenagers Training for High School Candidate


yurikeyuri 43 / 61 2  
Nov 17, 2016   #1
The new invention dedicate to build training ground that is to change the Honors be Regulars. The purpose of this training is creating the young people to be lead people and can be followed by the other people. Nowdays, the school has many systems, like homework, read textbook, taking test are make stressful, so this training must ignore to and trow the trash or unimportant things of this education system.

Source : TED

mem77 62 / 98 6  
Nov 17, 2016   #2
Dear yuri, here some advice for your writing and feel free to correct me too!

The new invention dedicates to build training ground that is to change the Honors beof Regulars.

... people to be lead others people and can be followed by the other peoplethem.

NowdaysNowadays, the school has been many systems, likefor instance homework, read textbook, takingtakea test that are make stressful,...

Regards
Dioba 68 / 104 7  
Nov 17, 2016   #3
Hi Yuri, there some suggestions for you.
1.The new invention ( the invention can dedicate?) dedicate to build ...
2.the young people to be which lead people ---> repetition.
3.Nowdays ---> Nowadays (miss spelling word)
trow ---> miss spelling word
4.Nowdays, the school has been many systems( delete the comma) like homework, read textbook and taking test are make stressful (stop in here, put dot)
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Nov 17, 2016   #4
Hi Yuri, as I go through the essay, I must say, this is a very short summary, I understand that it is supposed to be a summary, however, if the thought of the story is not there anymore and it is re-written as a summary, I believe this cannot be counted as a summary.

Look, I believe you have what it takes to understand and to write an essay, the key to writing, however, is to make sure that your readers understand and gets the message that you are trying to convey to your readers.

You see, with this summary, it lacks the contents or rather the essence of the essay, the message is not there, you still have to make sure that parts of the essay are still present. The introduction - very crucial, in order to let the reader know what you are talking about, the body of the essay - to make sure that you have supporting sentences and last but definitely not the least, the conclusion, this is the defining moment of the essay.

While you're at it, I hope you will be able to re-work on the essay and when you do, post it here on EF so we can assist you further.


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