In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
These days, experiences become substantial consideration for some companies to accept employees. As such, in some countries, teenagers are exerted to obtain well experiences with working or traveling over a year between finishing high school and starting studies at university because it is able to make young people easy to find well jobs, but this automatically gets them left behind among their classmates. Therefore, I would argue that even though teenagers lose their time as long as a year, they gain more experiences than others.
Finding well jobs becomes the predominant factor for young people who tend to choose working or traveling before joining university studies due to several reasons. First of all, students have less time when they are studying in university as they have to focus on their subjects. In addition, having good experiences helps teenagers to solve problems when they get obstacles since they can be wise on facing it. Afterwards, obtaining well occupations is a dream for young people because they are more likely to achieve success in their bright future.
On the other hand, working or traveling in the middle of study stages affects young people to be more left behind than other classmates because teenagers spend a year to work or travel while others directly study at colleges. For example, university students who work or travel over a year are still in the first semester when their friends who are straight to continue their studies are in the third semester. As a result, there is a different rate of one year between them. There is no doubt that spending a year for working or traveling can cause young people left behind.
To conclude, although young children loose a year for studying at university, I strongly believe that teenagers obtain well experiences which cannot got by other young people who directly continue university studies.
Your essay is a well-written one. So, I going to point out only some small mistakes.
First of all , students have if you use this phrase, then second of all or secondly should be followed after a few sentences( i.e. if you have only once convincing idea then skip that phrase).
One personal or a counterfeit example for the first body paragraph would be superb.
The conclusion seems to be not informative enough. Even though, the conclusion is not so essential in this type of exam, but it affects the score of your essay slightly.