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[toefl task] TELEPHONE or TELEVISION? Which one is more effective in people's life?


aster0224 4 / 11  
Oct 5, 2013   #1
Do you agree that telephones are playing a more effective role than television in people's life?

With rapid technological advancement, there were many devices that became almost a part of our lives. Among them a telephone and a television take very prominent positions. While some people believe that telephones play a more effective role in our lives than television, others do not agree with this view. However, I deem that telephones more considerably contribute to leading our lives comfortably.

To begin with, a telephone has changed the way that people contact each other. Devoid of telephones, people keep in touch via letters which are apparently inefficient compared with telephones. In this way, contacting another people in a different area needs at least one week. Whereas owning to telephones, the human's dream, effective, efficient and synchronal communication, has come true. Currently, we can communicate with friends, family members and colleagues each day as long as we want to. Before the arrival of a telephone at my home, for instance, I kept in touch with my grandma who living in a city 100 miles away. Every month, at most two letters would be delivered to me. Notably, such way is so inefficient that we usually had to note what to tell. Worse yet, even so many things had still been missed. Ironically, after telephone's advent, we never have to note the things because we contact each other almost every day. Therefore, it is a telephone that renders my life effective and efficient.

Furthermore, telephones make the distance between people to people closer. In ancient time, every country seems detached as an island. Accordingly, it is far from imaginable that people in different countries or remote areas might know each other. However, nowadays we can talk to a distant stranger merely through a telephone. My friend Jane is furthering her education in Germany, while I am in China. At the beginning of her German experience, she felt depress for a brand new surroundings. She called on me roughly three times each week to release her emotion. It is a telephone that makes us nearby.

There are two sides to every coin. Televisions have made certain contributions as well. Thanks to televisions, word spreads what is happening in the world by televisions. However with the rapid development of internet technology, a computer can be regarded as a substitute of a television. So now the merits of televisions have been undermined to a large extent.

To sum up, the role which telephones play on people's lives cannot be exaggerated more, while televisions' have been slight gradually. Thus, I incubate an idea that telephones are playing a more effective role than televisions on people's lives

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Oct 5, 2013   #2
Hi aster0224,
A small admin request :D
Every time you open a new thread you need to have a unique title (topic) for it. Do not repeat the same essay title if you are posting new essay on the same topic. This is a forum rule and it helps your essay to be treated unique in this forum :)

Now, let's go to your essay;

However, I deem that telephones more considerably contribute to leading our lives comfortably.

Here you need to make a clear statement about your opinion. Which one is better? Telephone or TV? I guess you support TV, then your statement should sound like;

However, I too believe that telephone plays a more effective role in our lives compared to the TV. ... you need to contrast since this is a comparison

To begin with, a telephone has changed the way that people contact each other.

... ok....now you need to align your reasons with the topic. You say telephone is more effective than the TV. So, you need to find a reason why you say that. You need to show something that telephone makes itself superior to TV. Something like;

First, the telephone has become an integral part of our day to day life because we heavily depend on this device to communicate with each other. Because of this reason, a person might find it is very hard to survive without a phone even for a single day. However, the TV is not so important for a person to stay connected with each other and people can bare things without having a TV for a longer time compared to the telephone.
OP aster0224 4 / 11  
Oct 5, 2013   #3
i will take your advice
it is very kind of you
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Oct 6, 2013   #4
Yes, as dumi suggests you need to keep your writing with the prompt's requirement. Also, do not spend too much time for one paragraph. This TOEFL task has a time limitation and you need to finish within that allocated time. So, get hold of a good structure and start practicing with time. One reason per one body paragraph is more than enough. That way you can include all necessary feature in your essay.
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Oct 10, 2013   #5
To begin with, the television has become an integral part of our day to day life because we heavily depend on this device to spread news. As to this point, a person might find it is very hard to survive without a television even for a single day. However, the telephone is not so essential for a person to grasp what is happening throughout world and people can bare things without having a telephone for a longer time compared to the TV.

Where is the example? If you don't have a ready-made one, then cook up a story and tell :D
When I moved into my new house I survived for almost two months without having a telephone. However, I couldn't do that for more than two weeks without a television because I felt totally cut off from rest of the world without knowing anything happening around me. So, I decided buy a TV on easy payment scheme.
simonlee726 2 / 2  
Oct 13, 2013   #7
I can see that you have excellent writing skills. Also I am sure you can aim for a real good score for this task if you manage time well for this task. However, I doubt whether you were able to manage this essay within the time they allow you to do so at the examination due to its length. This task has a major bearing on time, So practice with time and make sure you do not lengthen your paragraphs unnecessarily.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Oct 13, 2013   #8
Copying others comments is against forum rules and such users would be suspended.

Furthermore, the telephone has been gradually disappeared infrom our lives, but the TV is still matteringthere .

.... smart point.... there are grammar issues though;
Furthermore, the telephone has gradually disappeared from our lives, but the TV still survives.


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