Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

TOEFL Task 2 - Television ads targeted at young children - what is their influence on youngsters?

Louvy 1 / -  
Apr 6, 2018   #1

Television advertising toward young children

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Television ads targeted at young children have become increasingly common over the last few decades. The main channel used is television. In my opinion, those aggressive marketing campaigns compromise the development of young people. They ought to be strictly regulated.

First of all, between the aged two to five, the brain of young children is in rapid growth. Everyday a huge amount of brain cells are created. Their brains work as giant sponge that record unconsciously external information around them. Therefore young children are extremely sensitive and should not be exposed to whatever content.

Furthermore at such a young age critical reasoning does not exist. There is no critical distance between what is seen and heard on the television. A child is very candid and something told on TV must be true. If "Red Bull gives you wing" and I drink a Red Bull I will be able to fly. It is basic common sense. There is no filter.

In other words, by exposition children at a young age to aggressive marketing ads not only do we jeopardize their brain development but we also turn them into mindless consumers. Regulating specific marketing campaign toward the young is a first step but is by far not enough. Parents should keep their children away from marketing content altogether (not just the one specifically addressed to the young). As long as fruits and vegetables are not advertised toward young children we should be careful with that kind of marketing. Otherwise the consumption of junk food and soda is going to be deeply ingrained in their behaviour.

To conclude, strict regulation of television ads toward the young is better than nothing. Nonetheless parents also have a part to play and should keep their child away from marketing content on the whole.

abdo65619 1 / 8 9  
Apr 9, 2018   #2
It is very important to understand that "Academic essay means OBJECTIVITY". You must avoid expressing, intentionally or unintentionally, any personal feeling, in other word "SUBJECTIVITY". This will cause you get a low score regardless of your writing abilities.

A typical academic essay is comprised of:

1- Introduction: brief overview that give the reader the sense of the whole essay + thesis statement (the controlling idea of the essay).

2- Paragraphs: topic statement (in your case, it should be one of the reasons) + supporting idea (a statement that emphasizes the topic statement) + examples. (each paragraph must consist of these components). Your paragraphs have topic statements and supporting ideas, but they lack of examples. Always make a list of examples for each reason (at least two) before you start writing, and remember you do not have to memorize or think deeply, just EXTEMPORIZE.

3- Conclusion: It must summarize the whole essay; (restating the thesis and topic statements).
sticking to the this structure with the objectivity on fulfilling the prompt will guarantee you a great score.

All the best,
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,293 2855  
Apr 11, 2018   #3
Louvy, the above advice doesn't really apply to your work if one considers the prompt requirements which does call for subjectivity in the presentation. This is not an academic essay per se. This is more of a test of your knowledge of the English language and how you can express yourself clearly in the language. This is not a research based academic paper. That is why the prompt is asking you to agree or disagree with the given statement using specific reasons and examples. In an English language test, using personal knowledge and experience gains you a higher score because it shows clear English comprehension skills / understanding of the instructions in a manner that adheres to the instructions you were provided. In this instance, you seem to have done academic research for your response, which is what will lower your score in the final consideration. There is no way you can research information for the essay prompt you will be provided in the actual test because the computer network is locked out of the internet. So the samples and reasoning need to come from the personal point of view.

As for your grasp of the English language, I would say that you will be able to score well in the actual test, Probably above a mere passing score, based on the way you formed and presented the information in your essay. You have a good understanding of English vocabulary and these helped to propel your score to a mere than passing level. I look forward to reading your upcoming essays. I bet you will continue to show improvement with those work. There is very little to no correction required in this essay because you got your message across in every paragraph clearly. Good job!

Home / Writing Feedback / TOEFL Task 2 - Television ads targeted at young children - what is their influence on youngsters?