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IELTS Essay Task 2: 'Television / Children' Topic


MiaCuthbert 7 / 25 2  
Jun 22, 2014   #1
TOPIC: Some children can learn more efficiently by watching TV. Therefore, children should watch TV regularly both in school and at home? Do you agree or disagree?.

ANSWER:
Televisions today are becoming more and more important in human's life. However, while watching TV can help children study more effectively, I strongly disagree that young people should therefore watch TV frequently both in school and at home.

One the one hand, TV broadens people's horizons. Many TV programs contain knowledgable information which are useful for students. They can learn about the world outside through TV screens and conduct what they learned in real life situations. Discovery Channel, for instance, can teach children how to survive in various harsh conditions. Or Animal Planet Channel can be used as an useful tool to help advance their knowledge about fauna's habitats and behaviours. Therefore, the positive effects that TV has can hardly be ignored.

One the other hand, I do not believe that using TV regularly is always good to children. Firstly, as they spend too much time on TV, their visions can be affected negatively. It is evident there are more and more children are myopics today due to watching TV for long hours. Secondly, students can become neglected and so they may held negative attitudes towards learning. For example, when they are addicted to game programs on TV, they will barely want to go to school. Instead, they are always ready to waste time and money on playing such games. Moreover, TV violent shows should not be watched by young people. The fact is that children tend to immitate bad reactions such as swearing, burglary, vandalism or even murder like the actors do on TV. This leads them to become bad students as well as evil citizens in the future.

In conclusion, although televisions are helpful in some ways, I would argue that children should not use them regularly so the risks involved would be minimized.

Words: 296
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Everyone please take some minutes for this, that would be so amazing if you can help me:) all comments are welcomed :)
tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Jun 22, 2014   #2
You write this essay in the good pattern to answer the task of agree and disagree.

One On the one hand,

One On the other hand,

However, While watching TV can help children study more effectively, I strongly disagree that young people should therefore watch TV frequently both in school and at home.

I'm afraid those conjunction will be overusing.

the positive effects that TV has can hardly be been ignored.
OP MiaCuthbert 7 / 25 2  
Jun 22, 2014   #3
MiaCuthbert:
OneOn the one hand,
MiaCuthbert:
OneOn the other hand,

I think these are typo :D I'm very bad at typing you know aha!

MiaCuthbert:
the positive effects that TV has can hardly be been ignored.

I'm sure you are wrong of this sentence. it means: TV has many postive effects which cannot be ignored by people :)

MiaCuthbert:
However, While watching TV can help children study more effectively, I strongly disagree that young people should therefore watch TV frequently both in school and at home. I'm afraid those conjunction will be overusing.

I do not get what you mean. Can you explain it? :) thank you so much for the help :)
zizi1107 1 / 1 1  
Jun 22, 2014   #4
can be used as an useful tool = a useful ?
icebeating 3 / 8 1  
Jun 22, 2014   #5
Why children become neglect if they watch TV? Do you mean isolated?
fikri 5 / 317 71  
Jun 22, 2014   #6
One the other hand, I do not believe that using TV regularly is always good to children.

On the other hand, I do not believe that using TV regularly is always good for children

be careful with the using of 'to' and 'for'
OP MiaCuthbert 7 / 25 2  
Jun 22, 2014   #7
can be used as an useful tool = a useful ?

thank you so much, I have no idea why I could make this mistake :D

Why children become neglect if they watch TV? Do you mean isolated?

I think it is already mentioned in my essay :) thanks

MiaCuthbert:
One the other hand, I do not believe that using TV regularly is always good to children.

On the other hand, I do not believe that using TV regularly is always good for children

Again, I cannot understand why I did this =.=
thanks by the way :)
hillard214james 2 / 6  
Jun 22, 2014   #8
Hi MiaCuthbert,
I think it would be better if you try to refrain from repeating the same words. For example, you can use the personal pronoun "it" instead of frequently repeating the word "TV".

You stated a clear stand on the argument which is appropriate, however, it would be best to organize your ideas into paragraphs to establish clarity and cohesion with your writing. Some would suggest this sequence:

-paragraph 1 (introduction)
-paragraph 2 (advantages)
-paragraph 3 (disadvantages)
-paragraph 4 (conclusion)
*you can state your stand/opinion in the introduction or in the conclusion.
I hope this will help..thanks and goodluck.


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