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Toefl:Television destroys communication among friends and family; Reasons & Examples


heartstation 1 / 1  
Dec 18, 2012   #1
Topic: Do you agree with the following statement? Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Television is one of the greatest innovations that we use every day. Besides, watching television has some cons and at the same time has very good pros. However, while some people argue that TV has devastated communication among friends and families, I believe it has done the opposite. I think TV programs are among the popular topics in every day talk as well as a great time for gathering. In addition Modern TV has smart system that let you be connected with people.

First, it's true watching TV take a lot of your day, nevertheless it makes people meet and start a conversation about what they watch at other times like weather forecast and sport programs.

Second, people like having meals while they are watching TV. Families usually tend to watch television either with each other or friends. For example my friends and I used to sit together and enjoy watching movies using VHS player at nights. It was fun and a little bit similar to the cinema.

Third, TV can be one of communication ways. Moreover, TV can be connected to multimedia devices that have smart operating system like Google TV, WDTV using Skype, tango and other apps. In addition Teenagers can play games online with their friends; therefore we can communicate with each other through TV.

To sum up, TV may take some of your time away from your family and friends but it can also make family get together and help to get in conversation. As well as it's one way of recent communications, based on that I think TV helps you to get connected with people.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Dec 18, 2012   #2
The structure of your introduction is fine. You attempt to introduce the theme and then express your opinion. You also briefly introduce the reasons as to why you believe so. That's very good!

However, you have a few issues with sentence structuring and vocabulary;

Television is one of the greatest innovations that we use every day. Besides, watching television has some cons and at the same time has very good pros.

.... this is the opening sentence and therefore it should come with a punch : )
Television is one of the greatest technological innovations in the modern world. However, like many other technologically advanced devises, TV too has its pros and cons.

I believe it has done the opposite. I think TV programs are among the popular topics in every day talk as well as a great time for gathering.

... you can present this better;
I believe otherwise; In my opinion, TV programs bring the family together by creating a common forum to discuss about them.

In addition Modern TV has smart systems and applications that let you be connected with people.

First, it's true that watching TV takes a lot of your day

...
First, it is true that watching TV consumes a lot of your time that can be spent on doing more constructive things.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Dec 18, 2012   #3
Besides, watching television has some cons and at the same time has very good pros.

I don't think you need to say "besides" here. It makes it sound a little odd.

First, it's true watching TV take a lot of your day,
First of all, it is true that watching TV takes a lot of your valuable time,

You have good points. :)
joythblessy 86 / 272 15  
Dec 18, 2012   #4
Hai..

Your 1st para contains only one sentence. Put more sentences.

You have good points.

Tessy
OP heartstation 1 / 1  
Dec 19, 2012   #5
Television is one of the greatest technological innovations in the modern world. However, l ike many other technologically advanced devises, TV too has its pros and cons.

May I ask why Mr Dumi put comma for this clause ?

thank you ..
awaratr - / 1  
Dec 19, 2012   #6
heartstation
I rated your essay using the free online tool available at gmatawa.com.
Your essay scored 4.68 on a scale of 6. You can also verify at gmatawa.com, it provides you inividual scores for coherence, structure and vocabulary.


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