Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

TOEFL; Television & Movies influence our lives both negatively and positively


tsungu 3 / 8 2  
Mar 5, 2013   #1
Hi I'm going to take the TOEFL test and I wrote this essay in order to practice on my writing skills. I would appreciate it if you could give me some feedback. Thanks a lot!

How do television or movies influence people's behavior? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer.

There is no doubt that television or movies influence people's behavior and they influence us in both bad ways and good ways. But I think in general television and movies influence our behavior in bad ways more than in good ways. They make people to eat more rubbish food, spend less time with their friends and family, and be someone that are not themselves.

There are a lot of people eating foods or snacks when they are watching television. Most of the foods they eat are fat foods like chips or pizzas. It is not rocket science to know that these foods are not good for people's health. Many companies know about this behavior and use advertisements on television to make people buy more of these foods. In turn, people will consume these rubbish foods more and we have to deal with a lot of fat diseases.

Television and movies also make people to spend more time on their couch than with their family and friends, especially children. They communicate less with their parents because a lot of their time is used watching television and movies. When people are watching television or movies together, they also talk less to each other, compare to when playing social games, such as parlor games, together.

Television and movies nowadays contain a lot of advertisements. These advertisements build ideal images that make people to feel bad about themselves and want to be more like these images. When people see beautiful women and men on the advertisements, they think that they are ugly. Thus they spend a lot of money to buy a lot of beauty products or go to gym to get better appearance or body. When a cool hero characters in a movie smokes and yet a lot of people like him, then people who idolize him may also begin to smoke although they don't prefer it.

I think television and movies are entertaining but most of the time they influence people's behavior in bad ways. If you want to stay healthy, be yourself and spend time with your family and friends, then you should spend less time watching these media.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Mar 5, 2013   #2
There is no doubt that television or movies influence people's behavior and they influence us in both bad ways and good ways.

.... let's improve this slighlty ;)
There is no doubt that peoples' behavior is heavily influenced by the television and movies. Such influences can be both negative or positive.

. But I think in general television and movies influence our behavior in badwaysway more than in good ways .

Most of the foods food they eat are fat foods like chips or pizzas.

Good essay.... when is the exam?
OP tsungu 3 / 8 2  
Mar 5, 2013   #3
hi dumi, thanks a lot for your feedback. I was so unsure if it should be "bad ways" or "bad way" but now i know the answer. My exam is on 22/3 so it's not a lot of time left (in my opinion:P). I would appreciate it if I could get feedback on some more essays.


Home / Writing Feedback / TOEFL; Television & Movies influence our lives both negatively and positively