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Television, newspapers, magazines - fake and manipulating news out of this reality?

payal1982 10 / 19 5  
Jul 13, 2016   #1
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television, newspapers, magazines, and other media pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities. Use specific reasons and details to explain your opinion

Television, newspapers and magazines are considered to be a source of information and entertainment. Their main purpose is to make society aware about the important concerns which affect individuals as a whole. With the increase of news channels and emergence of social media, we are made aware about world affairs in just a few minutes. A proactive media can actually help build strong nations and can work for a cause. I agree that, there is too much attention of media on personal lives of celebrities and public figures these days. I will explore the reasons further in the essay.

First, I think the role of media is deviating away from what it was originally. There is a lot more competition these days because of various news channels. The goal has been changed to increasing the TRPs of the channels rather than providing useful information. Television channels and newspapers focus on making news interesting. For example, I was recently watching Fox News. To my surprise, it just covered the daily schedules and routines of presidential candidate Hillary Clinton. Instead of the campaign agenda and other relevant details from the point of view of a voter, the focus was on internal party politics and various alliances. As a viewer, such piece of information is not worth the time. I believe there is a lot to cover by media. The focus on improper details is questioning the credibility of some of the popular Television channels and Newspapers.

Second, I believe most of these channels, newspapers and magazines are under a political influence. This could be another reason to focus on the personal details of the celebrities. It can have negative effects on the life of a famous personality. The reputation can be ruined by rumors or the facts which media has no evidence about. The media can cover the success stories of these celebrities. How they were able to reach the pinnacle of their careers will help guide youth and many others. Personal details like a loan default or reckless driving years back in not what an individual is interested in. The media should take the responsibility of the facts it is making public

A strong media can create great nations. There are many important issues such as global warming, species on the verge of extinction, poverty and health issues etc. The coverage of such topics will help both current and future generations and make us a responsible individual. It is high time media should focus on more important issues than the personal lives of people.
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jul 14, 2016   #2
Hi Payal, welcome to EssayForum :) I would like to point out some of your weaknesses in order to strengthen your essay practice later on. I hope you can find my feedback is helpful. You can see them in the detailed descriptions below.

- The first weakness is related to personal pronoun usage. I think that you have over-used them. My suggestion is that you only need to use it in the introduction paragraph and conclusion paragraph. Over-using personal pronouns would make the essay becomes less formal. You can shift the first person and second person point of view to third person point of view. For instance, "we" >> "people/they/his or her".

- I believe that your essay have no conclusions at all. Your last paragraph was mentioned another idea. If this essay was about TOEFL or IELTS, no conclusion would badly damage the final score of your essay.

Perhaps it is quite simple, but it is crucial in argumentative essay writing. I also suggest you if for example this was for TOEFL or IELTS essay, please mention it clearly on the title to ease the reader to read and check your essay. I hope you can follow through my feedback above. Good luck in revising this essay and the next practice :)
OP payal1982 10 / 19 5  
Jul 14, 2016   #3
Thanks a lot for your feedback. It was quite helpful. I will post another essay too. Please let me know what else I can improve
madmoiselle 21 / 32 5  
Jul 17, 2016   #4
Hi Payal, I like your clear opinion, however your essay is not structured well as Ichan explain above. Good luck for your next writing :)

A proactive media can actually help building strong nations
The media should take the responsibility of the facts it is making public (be aware of punctuation)

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