Teleworking should be adopted ?!?

Teleworking

"Teleworking", or the use of telecommunications to allow people to work from home, should be adopted by all employers in order to improve the quality of life of their staff.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

At present, "teleworking" is the positive trend. However, I totally disagree that teleworking is applied for all kind of jobs.

I admit that teleworking has good advantages. Firstly, teleworking help employees don't have to go to workplace, especially the employees who has a long distance to the firms. Secondly, employers have the less expenses of worker's transporting. Hence, company's budget will be saved. Lastly, all of the parties may interact easily by technology developments. For example, Japan is one of the nations which apply "teleworking" program. Thanks for this, workers can make ends meet right at home, and the traffic jams which is serious problem of "The land of Rising Sun" is reduced.

On the other hand, there are some resistances if workers work at home. They will not have time enough to complete the tasks. For another way, the times for job will not be used efficiently, because the employees have to do other things. For example, the female workers which get married and have a child, beside they work at offices, they have to do the housework, such as cleaning, feeding. They don't totally focus on the work. Eventually, employees productivity will not be better than working at firms. Inspire of interaction, employers don't find easy to manage their staff due to they are not at workplace. If the employees work at firms, the atmosphere will be considerably improved, the staff may talk to each other, and make friends easier. Importantly, the efficiency of work is made sure.

In conclusion, "teleworking" is a quite impressive idea. However, the efficiency of this model depends on characteristic of work or administrative ability of employers.

Bui, the essay will lose major points for not following the correct discussion format within your presentation. Since you said that you totally disagree with one side of the discussion, this should not have been discussed in a comparison opinion format. Rather, it should have represented only a single opinion as that is what you stated within your opening paraphrase. Had you said that you "partially" disagreed, then you could have used this current discussion format. The way you should discuss the opinion essay all depends upon the wording of the paragraph. Once the wording is wrong, you end up losing points considerations in the TA section, which is half the total score of the essay.

Your formatting is also off. We need a total of 5 paragraphs in this essay task. An opening, 3 body paragraphs, and a conclusion. No paragraph should be less than 3 nor more than 5 sentences. You must also bear in mind that in order to gain a higher C&C score, a one topic per paragraph discussion should be implemented on your part. The examiner will be scoring you on the completeness of your explanation, not the number of reasons presented as under developed talking points in a paragraph. If the supporting discussions are weak, you cannot expect to get a high score in that bracket for scoring.

By the way, your opening paraphrase needs work. You did not appropriately represent the restatement of the prompt as you began an immediate discussion of the topic. Something that is only done in a direct question essay, and after a proper retelling of the prompt discussion in your own words. Look over the examples of these "emotional" response essays here. Learn from their mistakes and apply the advice to your future writing. You do show a potential to become a good essay writer, the problem, is that you are not yet familiar with the various Task 2 essay discussion types. I urge you to familiarize yourself with the various types and how to discuss them in order to avoid making the same mistakes over and over again in your practice response presentations.

thank you so much, i'll do better

Hello thanh,

Normally in the introduction (ielts) we have two part: paraphrase sentence, answer and introduction to your essay.The second part you did perrty well, however the first is not good.What do you think about this paraphrase sentence:

"Teleworking", or the use of telecommunications to allow people ...

=> Due to "Teleworking", or the applying of communication over distance to allow employees to work from home, some people think that all bosses should use it in order to develop the value of the life of their workers.

Hopefully, it helps you.