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TELTS-- traditional ideas help teenagers for promising future?


ekekek 25 / 51  
Jul 25, 2011   #1
Old generation often hold some traditional ideas on the correct way of life, thinking and behavior. Most people argue that these ideas are not helpful for the young generations to prepare for their lives in the future. What is your opinion?

Thinking twice before action as well as paying more attention to words are some treasures in traditional thinking and behavior, being handed down from one generation to the other. Even though we can hear that some traditional ideals are blamed, from my own perspective, we still should follow some ideas which are useful for offspring.

Granted, many concepts of traditional values are no longer compatible with the contemporary society. People in traditional family tend to obey the rules blindly and lack individuality, which is the symbol of respect for the older generation. Therefore, youngsters may find themselves integrate into the society if they follow as none of companies would be admitted to the employees lack of innovation.

There is no denying that we fairly need the traditional thinking pattern of consideration for twice before action in recent decades. Much pressure have been shouldered in workers, young employees tend to take impulsive actions in order to handle the fierce competitions, which may be easily gone astray with criminal acts. If being taught of several considerations before taking actions, the wrong behaviors would be avoided.

Further, individual should pay more attention to the word they say in mutual communication. New generations must know that excessive quarrels with other colleagues may cause intensive relationships which is damaging to working efficiency. The old concept of speaking behavior is quite essential for fleshers to establish a humorous relationship in a company, helping the new employees cooperate with others well.

Although the negative side of some traditional concepts still exists, it does not mean that we should discard all and regard it as usefulness in young generations. Conversely, what we should do is absorbing the essence and discarding the drags. There are quite a few traditional values are of help for the growing of next generation.

hvthoteen 16 / 44 4  
Jul 25, 2011   #2
"Thinking twice before action as well as paying more attention to words are some treasures in traditional thinking and behavior, being handed down from one generation to the other."

This sentence is not very clear about which are being handed down from ...
I think you had better use a relative clause.

"ideals" : it is merely a typing mistake, isn't it? :d

"Even though we can hear that some traditional ideals are blamed, from my own perspective, we still should follow some ideas which are useful for offspring"

i think you should have used mentioned ancestors, parents, or grandparents before use "offspring". You can use the young generation instead. Also, who does "we" refer to? This topic focuses on the young generation so the pronoun "we" is not very suitable :D

This sentence can be fixed: "Although some former customs are considered old-fashioned, there are many traditional ways of living useful for the young people."

Moreover, i cannot understand what are you presenting in the second paragraph. There are many problems in this part of your writing.

I think "Even though we can hear that some traditional ideals are blamed, from my own perspective, we still should follow some ideas which are useful for offspring." is your thesis statement, which shows that you tend to show the advantageous impacts of traditional ideas on the young generation. However, your second paragraph shows the contrary.

"Granted, many concepts of traditional values are no longer compatible with the contemporary society.": This sentence seems to miss a clause.

"Even though we can hear that some traditional ideals are blamed, from my own perspective, we still should follow some ideas which are useful for offspring."

"Therefore, youngsters may find themselves integrate into the society if they follow as none of companies would be admitted to the employees lack of innovation." This is really a confusing sentence.

Much pressure has been shouldered.

"If being taught of several considerations before taking actions, the wrong behaviors would be avoided." There is no subject in the first clause.

"Further, individual should pay more attention to the word they say in mutual communication. " --> Furthermore, every individual should pay more attention to the words they use to communicate with each other.

"cause intensive relationships which is damaging to working efficiency" --> , which is...

"cooperate with others well."--> cooperate well with others.

"Although the negative side of some traditional concepts still exists, it does not mean that we should discard all and regard it as usefulness in young generations" This sentence is wrong in meaning

"There are quite a few traditional values are of help for the growing of next generation." --> ...values helping in the growth of the next generation

I think you should improve your grammar before practicing writing an essay


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