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Temperatures and hours of daylight - Writing task 1 : the tables

Hammy 13 / 35  
Oct 30, 2018   #1
Can you check my grammar and give me some advices?

Mumbai, India and Moscow, Russia - weather comparison

Given is the table illustrating about the temperatures and hours of daylight in Mumbai, India and Moscow, Russia during the same weekend in May 2007.
Overall, temperatures in Mumbai on Friday, Saturday and Sunday were much higher than those in Moscow, even both maximum and minimum. Besides, sunrise and sunset time of two cities also had significantly differences.

The weather in Mumbai was quiet hot with maximal temperature during 3 days which slightly fluctuated at 33-34 degrees. Minimal temperature was stably kept with 29 degrees. In addition, the sun rose at 6.00 and set at 19.11 and later on Sunday.

In Moscow, on Friday, the maximal temperature just reached to 8 degrees but raised to 17 degrees on Sunday. However, there were only 2 degrees at the coldest moment on Saturday. Moreover, the sunrise early started at over 4.00. Nevertheless, the sun was downed until after 22.00.

Thanks a lot

Xti02 5 / 16 9  
Oct 30, 2018   #2
@Hammy - it would help if you provided the instruction to the writing task. Are you just required to describe the information in the tables, or did they request anything else as well? Not knowing the question, I will just comment on your grammar. There are a number of errors so I will only mention a few.

Firstly, I don't think it is correct to refer to the "maximal" or "minimal" temperature. You should keep the forms "maximum" and "minimum" as they are correct in this context. But try to use different words to say the same thing: maximum can also be highest, hottest or peak temperature; minimum can also be coolest, coldest or lowest temperature. Try not to repeat the same word if possible.

I can see you tried hard to show off your connecting words like besides, moreover, nevertheless, but they were not always used correctly and it seems forced.

Other comments:
*quite, not quiet
*significant, not significantly
And your last 2 sentences don't make sense either.

Good luck
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,948 3858  
Oct 31, 2018   #3
Diep, your attempt at reporting the contents of the chart is admirable. You accomplished the assigned task to a great degree that will ensure at least a passing score for this essay. That said, there are a few presentation problems that need to be addressed.

The first problem to be addressed is the way that you do not fully utilize the given information in the chart. While I know that you are trying to show off your English vocabulary by not using the actual measures indicated, that could work against you in the scoring process. The lack of proper reference to the given measurements could create confusion in the presentation.

This is one essay that is not analytical in presentation. You should use the reporting method for this because there are no points for comparison provided. Therefore, a straightforward report regarding the given information is all you have to present.

You wrote only 152 words for this report. Only 2 words over the minimum. I urge you to try and write at least 175 words for the Task 1 essay so that you can maximize your overall scoring potential and show a greater degree of understanding with regards to the given information.

I believe that you have the potential to improve with your Task 1 writing skills. You have shown a glimpse of it in this essay. I hope to continue guiding your development in the future. Keep practicing, it's the best way to improve.

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