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IELTS Essay Writing Test 3 About Agree and Disagree

aidafitria18 9 / 14 1  
Aug 30, 2016   #1
Hello. I am trying to make an IELTS writing. I hope you can help me to fix any mistakes I did. Thank you so much :)

"Individuals can do nothing to improve the environtment. Only large companies and business can make a difference.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?"

Large companies and business have an important role in improving the environtment, while individuals have nothing to do. I would tend to disagree the statement mentioning individuals do nothing to improve the environtment, since human can be environtmental agent and improvements can started from small thing.

Human as a part of environmental agent has role as important as companies in environtmental sector. Every individual is contributing to the sustainable environment. The agent should have environtment awareness character. This awareness can by showed by planting a plant. Besides, it could produce more oxygen, providly animal to live, and get food. It even fights global warming caused by industry gases waste.

In addition, a big difference always starts from small thing. To make a big difference of environtment, many ways to do such as reducing of using plastic bag which can be distangeld for a long time. By decreasing a number of plastic human can safe water and land entvirontment. Human as a user and consumer can diversificate plastic bag to paper bag which is more friendly.

To conclude, every individual can be environtment agent and make a big difference of environtment by started from small thing.
Heru22 5 / 7 1  
Aug 30, 2016   #2
hi, aida.. i will try to give suggestions about your writing.

1. i think that your write is not acceptable for IELTS writing task 2 because in this case you have to wrote at least 250 words and you did not do that.

2. let me begin from introduction first.
... important role in improving the environtment environment , while individuals (...) to improve the environtment environment , since human can be environtmental environmental agent and ...

if you'd like to write introduction, i suggest that you try to make good paraphrase from question. it is my suggestion for your introduction.

some people believe that only large companies and business could create better environment because they have an important role to do that. i would tend to argue against that individuals also have big impact to improve environment.

3. for your body, i think that you need to brainstorming first. You could find out many idea about related topic in your practice by reading newspaper or news. It is simple formula that you could do in your essay, giving main idea in your body paragraph and it is followed by example and then you could explain your example well.

4. for conclusion, pleas making different paraphrase for your thesis statement and then put your recommendation in the last.

i am sure that you could do better than this,,,
good luck :D
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Aug 30, 2016   #3
Hello Aida, two thumbs for your efforts in attempts to achieve a high score on IELTS. I have read through your essay and it looks like you have many things to do prior to following the real examinations.

Firstly, a good essay always attracts readers' interest to read it. One of the keys is the use of a variety of words. You can substitute one or two words with its synonym to make your essay looks good to the reader. However, you need to consider that the synonym that you are going to use is appropriate to the context of your writing so please check your dictionary first.

Secondly, be careful with mistyping. I found that you wrote environment as "environtment". Although this is a minor mistake, it will turn into a serious problem if it keeps happened. To avoid this, you can do a self-correction prior to posting your essay to the EF.

Thirdly, read a lot. You will gain more knowledge regarding writing styles, grammar, and vocabularies through reading. You can start by reading some examples of people's IELTS essays. You will learn what aspects that makes they got a high score or what you can do to avoid the mistakes that you found in the essay.

And finally, I am pretty sure that you will be able to write an excellent essay if you keep practice and read more. No need to worry, the big family of EF will always here to help you. Regards

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