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Test essay: Should children obey authority?

xinyuqingxin 4 / 3  
Jun 2, 2009   #1
thank you Sean, thank you Simone.
without your help, my writing level won't be improved.
there is another essay written yesterday.

Some people think children should obey rules and do what the teachers want them to do.
Others think controlled children are not well-prepared for children's adult life in future.

Whenever and wherever, the topic, how to educate the next generation, keeps heated to be discussed. Some people say that children should do what they are asked by teachers, while I insist that controlling children has no advantages of their lives.

Granted, it is commonly accepted that the rules made by teachers can, to some extent, avoid students driving a' stray. As we all know, that young students lack of the ability to distinguish right from wrong. If there is no restriction from teachers, a sea of the students may fight with classmates, even become thieves or robbers. In fact, a few of students are aggressive and interested in illegal deeds. Thus, it is necessary for the teachers to give students some rules to obey.

Nevertheless, these restrictions do harm for the development of students' mind. It is indisputable that if one wishes to be a successful person, she or he must have unique character. What is more, a person - who is outstanding of his or her area - is usually independent. In order to cultivate children to have these significant characters, they should allow doing what they want to do, no matter how old they are. Yet, teachers are supposed to give them useful advices to let them know whether their activities are justified or inaccurate.

To sum up, I reaffirm that though controlling children is helpful for children to become the excellent students, it is no merit for their adult lives. As a result, what the teachers should do is to give their students some rules to avoid them doing illegal behavior, instead of restricting them.

EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Jun 2, 2009   #2
(I moved this to its own thread because it is a new essay.)

I like your image of "a sea of students" fighting with each other and becoming thieves and robbers.

I think that the essay would be stronger if you could give an example of both what you would consider an acceptable rule and what you would consider unacceptable restriction.

A few sample corrections:

"Whenever and wherever, the topic of how to educate the next generation is heatedly debated ."

"astray" is one word

"...these restrictions do harm for the development of students' minds ."

"teachers are supposed to give them useful advice ..."
OP xinyuqingxin 4 / 3  
Jun 3, 2009   #3
hei, Simone,thanks a lot.
Is the structure of my essay clear?
I will take the ielts exam at 13/6, could you give me some advice?
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Jun 3, 2009   #4
Yes, the structure seems clear to me. In preparing for the exam, read some of the TOEFL and IELTS essays posted by other users on this site. Read the essay and all of the comments, to see the kinds of mistakes to avoid and to get tips on improving your own essays. Try to think of your own comments, as a way to practice thinking about writing.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jun 3, 2009   #5
And when you get a really broad prompt such as this one, narrow it down in your introduction. Obviously if students didn't follow any rules, there would be chaos. Just as obviously, mindless obedience to authority is hardly desirable in institutions such as schools, which seek to develop the mind. So, you have to provide a definition of authority that allows you to clearly argue for some sort of defensible middle ground.
icemaster2340 14 / 34  
Jun 3, 2009   #6
well children should obey authority that is RIGHT. For example, there have been cases where adults tells their children to traffic drugs and other illegal stuff like that. and the children do it. Maybe there should be some way to make sure that authority is not abused.
ferocious12 3 / 6  
Jun 4, 2009   #7
Others think controlled children are not well-prepared for children's adult life into make the important decisions of their lives in the future.

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