Some people prefer to exercise alone, such as running, while others like to exercise with a group of people, such as joining a sport team. Which do you prefer? Use a specific ideas and examples to support your decision on this issue.
group exercise has more benefits
Exercise is important to everybody. Doing exercise allow us to be energetic and healthy. In modern society, some people prefer to do exercise alone while others like to join a team work. Personally, I prefer the latter one.
Firstly, exercising in a group can make more new friends and not only improve our skills but prevent us from sport injure. Exercise is a good social activity. It help us to contact with each other in the most naïve of ourselves. Hence, no matter the people we are familiar with or not, we are able to make friends. Moreover, these new friends are more willing to share their personal exercise skills and experience during exercise. Therefore, we can enhance exercise skills and also keep the sport danger away. For example, Harry, a friend of mine, makes a lot of friends while he plays basketball with others. Therefore, his new friends not only share their basketball skills to him but also tell him how to prevent those danger during exercise. Now, his basketball skills are great and he becomes a basketball coach. By contrast, people who exercise alone cannot make new friends easily. In addition, once they do exercise in a wrong way, they not only are not able to rectify their problem but may get hurt easily because no one tell them the mistake they make. Hence, exercise in a group is better than alone.
Secondly, doing exercise with a group help me to be motivated. People are easily bored with exercise. After being bored with the exercise, we might find a lot of excuse and give up easily. To help ourselves stick on a plan, working with a team can help ourselves overcome the problem. Take myself for example. I tried many times to do exercise like jogging when I was an university student. However, being bored with jogging, I often gave myself an excuse, for example doing the report or preparing for the test. Gradually, I stopped going jogging and stayed in my dormitory all day long but did nothing. One day, one of my friend, Tommy, asked me to jog with him and his friends. I became motivated and keep the good habit until now. Someone says that exercise alone has more flexible schedule. However, although they may be flexible, they may become lazy without others supervising them and give up exercise in the end. Therefore, I definitely like to choose to do exercise in a group.
In conclusion, we can benefit from exercising in a group because we can make new friends. With this new friends, we can enhance our exercising skills and prevent from danger. In addition, we can stimulate by these friends and avoid us from being languid.I am presuming this topic question would be the "TOEFL Independent Writing Task". Based on the TOEFL scoring rubrics available on their website, I would give your essay a score of 3.
For being pro exercising with a group, making new friends and sharing experiences as well as staying motivated are good reasons. My main issues are the weak verb conjugations, weak sentence structures, and the rigid transitioning between ideas.
For instance, I would alter your current 1st paragraph as follows:
Exercise is important to for everybody. Doing exercise allow us to be It keeps us energetic and healthy. In the modern society, some people prefer to do exercise alone while others like to join a team work enjoy working out in a group. Personally, I prefer the latter one. While both techniques are efficient, I personally prefer the latter.
If I am to change it completely, I would make it as follows:
In a modern society were independence is sought, exercising alone is usually preferred. However, working out in a group has a lot of benefits than one may think. As social beings, we tend to feel better and work harder when grouped. Thus when an emotionally and physically draining activity, such as working out, is in question, having a gym buddy or a support group is a game changer.
If you can notice, in this version I have made the reader aware of my preference without stating it word for word. In the last sentence I created room for my supporting ideas to be later developed in the body paragraphs.
Again I am no expert and this is just my opinion on your essay. I hope my feedback helps you in some way :)
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,797 
4780 Frank, it will be a disservice for me to allow you to continue to believe that you could score a 3 with this essay. Based on the appropriate scoring considerations for the TOEFL test, which only trained individuals in the field are informed of, your essay will not pass the test at all. The basic reason it will fail, and at this point, is because you have not appropriately formatted the TOEFL essay that you presented.
A basic TOEFL essay is anywhere between 150 and 250 words. If you write 150 words, you will probably pass the test on a mere passing mark. Write 250 words and you will get the highest possible scoring consideration. Write more than that and you will fail the test automatically. Why am I saying you will fail the test? Consider the most basic formatting requirement for TOEFL tests and you will understand why.
A TOEFL essay cannot be more than 3 paragraphs, no more than 250 words due to the time constraint and writing requirements. The examiner is not interested in your vast English vocabulary, all that matters to him is that you can explain yourself clearly using the least amount of words possible. The reason for that is that in an American university or college, all research papers and essays have word limitations. He needs to know that you can perform within the limits of a basic English research or essay assignment. It for this reason that you will not pass the test based on the performance you showed in this practice test.
Writing 250 words will allow you to have time to edit your essay. 300+ words means you will most likely not even finish writing the essay. If you do complete the essay, your work will not be proofread so your work will be scored with the errors, that could have been edited if you wrote only 250 words, still in there so it will pull down your score to badly, your will be in danger of not passing the test. Either way, you will not pass the test because with this length, you will not have enough time to wrap up the discussion before your time is up.
I will assume that you are not enrolled in a formal TOEFL review class which is why you made this mistake. It will be helpful to you if you review the other TOEFL essays here and learn from the advice given to them so that you will not repeat the mistakes they made and you can also automatically improve your writing presentation in your succeeding practice tests.
Thanks for @Holt and @naj12 giving me the precious advice.
I will try to concise my writing and improve my sentence structure!
Hi Frank,
As a reader, I can see some grammar mistakes in your essay. I am not expert to give marks or analyze the structure of your essay, but I can clearly see some grammar mistakes.
... no one tell tells them
... share their basketball skills to with him ... those danger dangers ...
It help helps us to ...
a lot of excuse excuses
an a university : university is not pronouncing as a vowel sound so you cant put the 'an' article.
