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Writing Test 2: Job Subject - a work suitable for men or women


lavitaebella 1 / -  
Dec 29, 2019   #1
Hi everybody, please help me to improve my writing skill.

Topic:

Some people think that men and women have different qualities.


Therefore, some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

It is true that many people are in favor of finding a suitable job depends on their gender due to the different qualities between men and women. In my opinion, I disagree with this view.

On the one hand, there are some features which differ between men and women. First of all, as far as physical condition is concerned. Men are usually stronger while women tend to be more endurable. It leads some jobs such as construction workers gravitate toward being men. Secondly, in terms of personality characteristics are concerned, women are considered to be more caring and sensitive than men. This is a reason why jobs such as nursing or the care of children are mostly women.

On the other hand, with the development of technology as well as the changing in people's attitude, I believe that the range of jobs which men and women can join is not limited. First and foremost, employers should give equal opportunities to everyone in all fields. In some companies, for example, women and men have a chance to promote their carriers fairly instead of restricting the development of women due to fear that they must take care their family. Secondly, social prospective do not act as a deterrence. Pursuing their dreams, more and more women take part in the different area of fields which were dominated by men such as computer science, programmer.

In conclusion, although having different abilities is true between every gender, I contend that giving equal opportunities is better no matter what their gender is.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4773  
Jan 10, 2020   #2
Trang, your scored will be helped if you write at least 275-300 words instead of only a little over the minimum of 250 words. By writing more than the expected or average number of English words, you will be able to show off your vocabulary and sentence building skills. You will also be able to better explain yourself if you break out of the box of expectations and try to present your essay in a manner that will increase your score tremendously.

Your work shows acceptable sentence structure and spelling skills. You do have a bit of a problem in terms of conciseness though. You have a tendency to use word fillers and phrases such as "are considered to be", when you can just as well have said "are". There is no need to count out your paragraphs with terms such as "firstly". Simply use a topic sentence to indicate that.


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