Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Writing test 2 (media prefer to make news about famous people such as actors, singers, etc)


AK354 7 / 8 1  
Nov 29, 2016   #1
WRITING TASK 2

Nowadays, most of media prefer to make news about famous people such as actors,singers, and sports player. They decide to choose them because more attract viewers and readers. On other hand, numerous people who have best achievement and involve in many activity are seldom to show, they prefer to show calebrity's life. Honestly, in my view news about popular people is essential, but show unknown poeple who has good achievement is better.

In my opinion, calebrities became trending topics because their popularity, so media will show their life or relationship and it can cause media probably get more much money. Nevertheless, sometimes it can bad affect to audience particularly children. It can be happen, because media often make a bad news about scandals or cases which have calebrity, so when people even children see that will influence and follow that bad activity, it's very dangerous. Therefore, I think media should make other good news regarding unknown people.

As we know, numerous people who don't have popularity like actor or singer but they have many achievements. It can inspire many poeple, and edia should report about them. For example, Siti from bekasi she got scholarship to Germany because her achievements. She graduated from best university in Indonesia with best score, and because that she got scholarship to continued her study. She is very smart and dilligent, but if you know, his father's jobs is driver's motorcyle or we usually called ojek. It's very inspire many people. I think many people in this country like Siti and every people must know about them.

In conclusion, famous people and ordinary people are equal important. Media will get more profit because calebrity and audience will get advantages about good story from ordinary people. From all of them I think media better to make more news about inspiration people but still show about calebrity news because is important to their business.

IvanMS027 43 / 56 9  
Nov 29, 2016   #2
Hi. Here are my suggestions for you.

They decide to choose them because more ...

Where is your main subject for your subclause?

numerous people who have best achievement and

For superlative, don't forget to place THE as the determiner.

involve in many activity are seldom to show,

VERB cannot be the subject. change it to be GERUND

As we know, numerous people who don't have popularity like ... (Where is your main clause? REMEMBER: (The number of conjunction = The number of sentence+1) .

For example, Siti from bekasi she got scholarship to Germany because OF her achievements. She graduated from THE best university in Indonesia with THE best score,...

... or we usually called ojek(Please state that only Indonesian that called that) . It's very inspire many people. (when BE followed by verb, you should make sure that the verb is Ving or V3).

Suggestions:
I found many mistakes from your grammatical structures from subject-verb agreement. Try to improve that and you can try to give the revisions in this essay.

I hope it can be useful for you.
Goodluck and Keep Spirited.
Bams17 28 / 43  
Nov 29, 2016   #3
Nowadays, most of media prefer to make report news about ...

They decide to choose them because more ...

this sentence contain more than two verbs decide and choose as reference you can use decide choosing

involve in many activity are seldom to show, ...

miss spelling in celebrity's and contain more than two verbs again are, to show, prefer, to show.I suggest you that you should remember about the grammar rule and pay attention about the S + V AGREEMENT.

... but show unknown poepleMISS SPELLING AGAIN PEOPLE who has good ...


Home / Writing Feedback / Writing test 2 (media prefer to make news about famous people such as actors, singers, etc)