In an enterprise everybody has the desire of a promotion; it is every employee's dream. However, the owners of the company can't please everybody. Therefore, most organizations have to choose on what base the promotion: on performance or on seniority; they also have to cope with the advantages and disadvantages of their decision.
If they choose to promote their job takers based on seniority this will bring a huge advantage: the faithfulness of their employees. If an individual is rewarded with a promotion in this way, it will keep working with the enterprise no matter what. Therefore, the company will never lack of employees or run out of people working in its divisions. This is also an advantage over the competition, since they will never achieve to steal or seduce the company's human resources.
However, sometimes quality is better than quantity. If their objective is spending the largest time with the company, the employees will not have a sense of competition. That's why giving promotions based on performance is better for the overall quality of the workers. They will have to work more and harder to reach the promotion and this will create an environment of competition that is generally healthy to have in the office. Furthermore, the company will generate wit this boost better products and better services, which is both good to outsmart the competition and to serve their clients well.
In the end, it is better to have few employees that contribute greatly to the enterprise than to have many faithful employees that lack of motivation to improve themselves. Nowadays, it is easy to find people willing to work for an enterprise but it is hard to find those that do the best of themselves. Finally, in the industrial world the one with the best working force and the best products is the one that wins the battle.
Here is my feedback:
Use comma instead of semicolon for example in the first paragraph: In an enterprise everybody has the desire of a promotion; it is every employee's dream. Therefore, most organizations have to choose on what base ----> on what basis a promotion should be awarded. I guess if you support one opinion state that first and then explain the benefits in contrast with other option.
Furthermore, the company will generate wit this boost better products and better services, which ...
In the end, it is better (...) than to have many faithful employees that lack o ----> those who are not motivated enough to improve themselves. Finally, in the industrial world the one with the best working force and the best products is the onehat wins the battle. -----> use the one is used twice in the sentence
Hope this is helpful!
Practice makes you perfect!
Hi Gabriel, here's my take on your essay.
- In an enterprise, ( don't forget your punctuation marks ) everybody has
- the desire offor a promotion; it is every employee's dream.
- have to choose on what basethe basis of the promotion:
- ithe will keep working with the enterprise no matter what.
- Therefore, the company will never lack of employeesor run out of people working in its divisions.
- since they will never achieve to steal or seduce the company's human resourcesas piracy is very rampant amongst company's human resources .
- However, sometimes quality is better than quantity.
- Furthermore, the company will generate wit this boost better products and better services,
- employees that lacksof motivation to improve themselves.
- products isare the ones that wins the battle.
There you have it Gabriel, I hope the modifications made are helpful and for future writing reference, mind the minor details of your sentences such as the punctuation marks, the linking verbs and the verbs tenses that you associate in your essay.
-In an enterprise, everybody has the desire offor a promotion; itwhich is every employee's dream.
-Therefore, most organizations have to judgechoose on what qualifications base the promotion: on performance ...
-... and harder to reach the promotion.and thisIt will create an environment of competition ...
-Furthermore, the company will generate wit this boost better products and better services, which isare both beneficialgood to outsmart the competition ...
-it is better to have few employees that contribute ...
it is better to have few creative and competitive employees than to have many faithful employees but lack of self-motivation
-in the industrial world (-->I think generation of capitalism will be better)
These are my suggestions.
Best regards.
