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Thanh tu Student - evaluated nail salon


pie apple 1 / -  
Oct 3, 2015   #1
Thanh tu Student

Anyone who has ever been to the nail salon to make themselves beautiful but not only that they also could spend a lot of free time together with family and friends. Even thought, have some couple also would like to come to nail salon on the special days. And now, I would like to tell about my job at "LAY TON "nail shop. As the reason, I picked my nail salon because it has good work environment, friendly coworker, and nice customer.

Many people find nail salon a convenient place because service is quick and good. "LAYTON" Nail Salon is a good located and provides convenient parking lot and customer can easily to find other store such as Chinese Restaurant, Message Spa etc. At Nail Salon, my boss decorated with white and purple, many orchids on the reception table. It looked fresh and comfortable. Nail shop has five- employees and two of them came from China and Korea. All of them have worked for from two to three years or even longer and I have only done a year. Although, we were different language but they have a nice manner. When we have worked together, I realized they very friendly and helpful. They always taught me how to made customer beautiful and how to solve the problem with customer. There are situation when I worked with people who have many different diseases especially is diabetes. The coworker taught me how to avoid bleeding and if the bleeding will not stop flowing and I must very be careful having manicures and pedicures. And there are important lesson knowledge of the customer's health conditions also a potential danger for customer injury and helping myself avoid trouble. Most of the customer has always concerns about the environment quality not only damage to themselves but also that affect to many disease for nail technicians in the nail salon. But I was very lucky because I have a good work environment. The first thing, we ensure the salon neat and clean throughout the day and check nail instrument are sanitized. The second thing, we have a lot of antibacterial soaps for the nail technician to use wash the hands before and after did for customer. We always wore gloves and masks while making customer because we want to bring safety to them. Last thing, ensure the chemicals are harmful will keep far way and close lids.

Finally, I like working here because there are many memories and useful lesson.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Oct 3, 2015   #2
Thanh, the essay that you wrote is alright for a beginners essay. The thoughts are clear and have an obvious direction. It introduces your prompt quite well at the beginning and definitely draws the reader into the nail salon where you work. For all of these positives though, there are some negatives in your essay.

One of those negatives includes your lack of sentence structure knowledge. You need to structure your sentences better and use the correct English terms in order to make the essay flow smoother and make it more understandable. Then, you also need to learn how separate your thoughts or topics for every sentence into paragraphs. It is important to separate your essay into paragraphs so that the reader will be able to better follow the flow of your writing. Doing that will also allow you to better talk about your sentence subjects. To do that, all you need to know is where your next topic starts. When you start discussing a new topic, do it on a new line of the page. Do you see how I did that here? When I spoke about your essay in the first paragraph, I talked about all topics related to your introduction. Then I started a new topic line by talking about the weak points of your essay. That is how you effectively use paragraphs.

Now let me show you corrected parts of your essay. My corrections are written in capital letters.

Anyone who has ever been to A nail salon DO SO to make themselves beautiful DURING THEIR FREE TIME.

OTHER COUPLES COME TO CELEBRATE special days.

I LEARNED ABOUT THOSE REASONS BECAUSE I WORK AT THE "LAY TON "nail shop.

As the reason, I picked my nail salon because it LAY TON has A good work environment, friendly coworkerS, and nice customerS.

THE service is quick and good.

"LAYTON" Nail Salon is WELL located and provides convenient parking .

CUSTOMERS can easily to find other storeS such as A Chinese Restaurant, MASSAGE Spa

At Nail Salon, my boss decorated with white and purple, many orchids on the reception table. It looked fresh and comfortable.

THE shop has five- employees

All of them have worked THERE FOR two to three years or MORE WHILE I have only BEEN THERE

Although, we SPEAK languageS , WE GET ALONG

When we have worked WORK together

realized THAT they ARE very friendly and helpful.

They always TEACH me how to MAKE THE customer beautiful

solve problemS with customerS

There are situation when I worked with people who have many different diseases especially is diabetes. The coworker taught me how to avoid bleeding and if the bleeding will not stop flowing and I must very be careful having manicures and pedicures. And there are important lesson knowledge of the customer's health conditions also a potential danger for customer injury and helping myself avoid trouble - This is already too much information about your job. You don't need to describe everything in vivid detail.

Most of the customerS HAVE concerns

But I was very lucky

WE ensure the salon IS neat and clean

MAKE SURE THAT nail instrumentS are sanitized.

we have a lot of antibacterial soaps for the nail technician to use before and after DOING THE NAILS OF THE customer.

ensure THAT the HARMFUL chemicals are KEPT far way WITH closeD lids.

About your last paragraph, It is too short to be considered a part of this essay. The rules of writing dictate that a minimum of 3 sentences comprise a paragraph. So you need to add a few more sentences to that line.


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