please give me your advice to improve my writing..thank you...
Q:
Each year, the crime rate increases.
What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?
A:
The increase of criminal action in some places is one of the most serious problem that people is facing in recent years. This essay will explain the reasons why people tend to do criminal action and discuss some solutions to prevent the rise of it.
There are several predominant factors of crime that usually happen in the middle of society. Firstly, over populated in some urban areas. This is because, villagers who live in countryside want to improve their life by moving to the cities. The villagers usually lack of education and they can not compete with the citizen who have better education. As a result, some people become job less and tend to do everything such as criminal action to full fill their needs there. In addition, bad environment take a major role for making crime. For instance, people who live in bad environment usually make a friend with bad people too, so they can be affected by bad people and tent to do crime. By having so, crime is made by people who have bad habit in their daily life.
On the other hand, there are several steps that government should do to prevent the increase of crime. The first step to prevent this problem is by using transmigration. It means that government should move people who do not have job in that place to a new area. As a result, the population of people in urban area is decreasing and the crime is decreasing too. Secondly, the government should provide more job field in urban areas, so there are no more crime actions in that place. In addition, government should give training to unemployment people to develop their skills. By using that ways, the crime can be reduced well.
In conclusion, although there are several reasons why crime is increasing nowadays, the government has better ways to prevent this problem. It is imperative that people who live in urban areas should support the government, so the crime can be reduced significantly.
is one of the most serious problems that people is facing in recent years.
why people tend to docommit
The villagers are usually lack of education and they can notcannot compete with the citizens who have better education
criminal actionyou use too many criminal action, use crime instead
bad environment takes a major role for makingwrong collocation, committing crime
and tenttent to do perpetrate crime
The increase of criminal action ... This essay will explain the reasons why people ..to make better essay, give your thesis statement and write your opinion about what the cause of crime and about the solution.
let me analyze your body paragraph 1:
over populated (idea) ---> villagers move to the city (is it your reason?) --> villagers lack of education (or this is the main reason why overpopulated make crimes?) ---> job less (effect). your idea is hard to follow as you describe it too rambling.
For instance, people who live in bad [...] have bad habit in their daily life. --> you give illustration here but it does't have any relation to your idea. you mention before that the cause is education/villagers move to the city but in your example you describe that friends or bad people is the cause of crime .
