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Do u think there were more advantages-disadvantages to be part of a large family in the past? IELTS2


Chrissanth_12 2 / 3  
Jun 8, 2018   #1

a large family has more benefits than downsides



The accelerate speed of modern life has brought about changes in traditional way. This is the reason why families have a tendency to be smaller than they used to be, which gives people different experience.

A large family has a lot of advantages. Firstly, that younger brother could play football, play chess or study objects at school together helps them learn social skills from each other. Secondly, children helped in home that leads to the responsibility for their own action. Thirdly, grandparents could also look after their young kids with a particular care.

However, a large family also brings disadvantages. The first reason is finance. One of parents needed to stay at home so as to take care of the young and the old, hence, they would earn less money. The financial problem prevented children from going to school and taking part in outdoor activities. The second one is parents's less attention to each kid because they had too much worry in their mind.

I think a large family has more benefits than downsides. Although their family were lack of money, children didn't receive enough consciousness from parents, members in family could give help and support to each person, never felt lonely and were always happy.

jalp 11 / 31 6  
Jun 9, 2018   #2
In your introduction, I believe you have to mention if you 'think' a large family has more disadvantages or advantages in the past. You have to pick and support your opinion in your body paragraphs.

Your sentences are filled with past and present tenses, you also have to work on that.
Tung 1 / 1 1  
Jun 9, 2018   #3
I'm also practising writing. In my limited knowledge, I will give some comments on your essay. I think you are a bit off topic. It seems that you just discuss the large families issue in general but not that in the part. I also believe you should give the opposing attitude before giving the attitude you support. In the introduction, it seems that you havent address the task - there is not thesis statement. In the first paragraph of the body, you should give explanations and examples for each ideas. For example, what are social skills? (cooperating, communicating, etc). In addition each main idea should be clear simple sentence so that you can summarise main points in the conclusion. In the conclusion itself, you shouldnt provide new ideas (happy, lonely as in yours). As for vocabulary, I think disadvantages, a large family and advantages should be paraphrased because they have appeared in the question.
Holt [Contributor] - / 6,681 1670  
Jun 9, 2018   #4
Chrissanth, I have no idea what prompt you are responding to with this essay and whether or not you responded to it properly in your discussion. What I did notice in your essay is that all of your discussions are not properly developed. Rather than developing the reasons for your discussion in single paragraph topic format, which is the required format for the Task 2 essay discussion, you are merely rattling off talking points, none of which are supported with proper evidence. That is why you sound like you are just writing for the sake of writing and nothing more. You just wanted to get through the test without really knowing how to properly present your discussion. As such, I cannot say that you properly wrote the response discussion. Kindly remember to post the complete instructions / prompt for the essay the next time you come here for an evaluation of your writing skills. Thanks.
Kim Truong 3 / 5 1  
Jun 9, 2018   #5
Here are some my personal views about your essay:
Your introduction: you grab the reader's attention successfully by an interesting factual hook. But there is no thesis statement in your introduction that makes reader confused about what you are going to say or convince.

Your body paragraphs: you are good at providing supporting details which are relevant to your topic sentences and arranging in an adequate order. Your topic sentences, in contrast, are not specific enough for you to convey your controlling ideas to the readers.

Your conclusion: in the last paragraph, it will be better if you reinstate your thesis statement and your topic sentences.


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