Topic: Some people believe that subjects such as Music, Arts, Drama and Creative Writing will contribute a great deal to children's development; therefore they should take a large part of the school timetable. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Cognitive development is a complex process, through which many abstract concepts start growing up in a child's mind. Psychologists think that arts are powerful tools helping children in this process. Thus, it is believed that various arts such as music, painting, etc., must take more portions of school's educational plans. I utterly agree with this opinion due to several psychological and social reasons.
Arts and the concept of creativity are intertwined, meaning that a creative person can be a good artist and art can also make people creative. When a child is asked to paint without providing him/her with a model, he/she has to draw his imaginations, which is one of the most effective methods for fortifying creativity in a person. In fact, children learn how to build a world outside the real world in their mind. It has been proven that changes in a society are made by people who see things differently. For example, modern designs of buildings, the advent of new philosophies like Marks, or even contemporary drawing styles like cartoons that explain social and political issues, all were needed creative people to be born. In short, if we look for changes in our society, we must work on our children at schools to make them creative by posing them to different artistic environments.
Moreover, artists do not see the world black and white. Many ordinary people judge the world based on their good and bad experiences. Therefore, one can categorize normal people to optimistic and pessimistic individuals. However, arts open new windows towards people. They allow people to come out from their shells and see the world colourful. A writer, for example, has a wide horizon and lives different lives, since he/she needs to create different characters with different personalities, difficulties and social classes. In other words, if we provide children with an opportunity to think artistically, they can enhance their mind to a higher level, so that they can understand various aspects of life and the people around them easily, the facets which are invisible for normal individuals.
Finally, one of the main stages of the mind development is finding a connection between things surrounded us. Arts help us to improve this skill. When we look at glasses, for instance, they are just glasses in our eyes, while an artist see other things such as the light direction and angle, the position of glasses on a table and its relationship with the surrounding environment, or even the objects which are observed through the lenses. Consequently, arts are good practices for sharpening people's minds, and this would be more effective when it is done at the early ages of a person's life.
In light of the aforementioned facts, I believe that arts can immensely affect children's development cause they produce more creative people who see the world more colourful.
These are very compelling arguments that you have presented. However, I seem to be missing one part of the essay prompt while reading your response. While you agree that arts need to take up a part of the school learning program, how much of that time do you think it needs to take up. Keep in mind that most of the schools in the Western and European hemisphere are beginning to either shorten or eliminate the arts programs in their schools, you should be definite about how much time you feel the lesson plan should devote to the arts curriculum. It is not enough to agree with one side in this case, you need to also dictate how much of the time you think it should take up. For example, arts classes should be held for 45 minutes twice a week, then the reasons why you believe this will benefit the students. I do not find any fault with the way you grammatically set up your essay. It is quite professional, analytical, and delivers proper reasoning and logic. You should score highly on this practice test even though it is lacking one response element. I suggest that you revise this essay to include the missing prompt element with a simple explanation as to the time frame you think should be allotted to the arts lessons. The reason I ask you to do this is because it will add a strong supporting element to your agreement to the statement that arts needs to take a large part of the school timetable.
oh yes, you are right, I completely missed that part. Can I just add this lacking information in conclusion? For example, I just say that for learning how to be a good artist and using all the mind's potential for achieving the goals mentioned in the body, we need to allocate more time to arts in schools? Or I need to add these points in the body?
The choice is actually yours. If you add it to the main body, you will be able to better develop your arguments and present additional evidence in support of your claim. Thus making the idea better developed and applicable to the debate. My only concern, should you decide to write this as part of your concluding paragraph, is that the idea will be left under developed and discussed. As we both know, the concluding parts of these essays tend to simply be summaries and concluding statements, which do not really allow for a complete and thorough presentation of additional information. So while you can add it to the concluding paragraph, I feel that the information will best serve your essay as an integrated portion of the main body of the essay. A simple additional paragraph around 5 sentences long ought to suffice for this purpose :-) Of course the final decision as to where the additional information should go is up to you. Place it where you feel most comfortable doing so.