Do you think being a celebrity is beneficial or troublesome?

Being a celebrity - such as a famous film star or sports personality brings problems as well as benefits.

Do you think being a celebrity brings more benefits or problems?

Famous personalities like film celebrities and sportspersons enjoy certain rewards like respect due to their status but this popularity also comes at a cost. I believe being a celebrity a celebrity has more problems than benefits as by always being in the spotlight, you lose the concept of a personal life and also you are only relevant as long as you are popular.

Firstly, once you're a celebrity all your personal affairs are in the limelight. The most intricate and intimate details about your past, your family are made public and scrutinized. Celebrities always find themselves under the microscope, constantly followed by media and paparazzi and their every decision is publicized and judged. Even their relationships are under a magnifying glass and the slightest mistake can cost them their fame and success. For instance, recently intimate pictures of various Hollywood actresses were shared on social media for the whole world to see shaming them in the process.

Secondly, the fame and respect that celebrities receive is directly proportional to their popularity and performance. Movie stars are most popular when their films are performing well, similarly sportsmen are admired as long as they are performing on the pitch. Due to the fickle nature of public opinion, a single poor performance can decrease your popularity and with it all the benefits you enjoy being a celebrity. For example, Yuvraj Singh helped India win the world cup in 2011, however, in the next series he failed miserably which led to the Indian population boycotting everything associated with him.

In conclusion, losing one's social and personal life is too high a cost for the celebrity status. Additionally, the benefits associated with being a celebrity are very short lived as one can fall from public grace at the smallest mistake..

Okay, there are two discussion points offered int he original prompt. One for celebrities and one for athletes. So that means your first and second reasoning paragraphs need to focus on each topic individually. That means, in every paragraph. So in the second paragraph, you should not be starting with another celebrity topic sentence. Instead, you should be starting with a reference to the athletes instead. That way, you cover both topics. What you should learn to do, is use a transition sentence at the end of the first reasoning paragraph going into the second paragraph. That way, there is a clear transition from one discussion to another. It will also help tie in the paragraphs in terms of coverage. For instance, after the reference to the photos of celebrities being published, you could have added another 2 sentences to end that paragraph with:

It is not only celebrities who have their private lives invaded by their being a celebrity. Athletes also have celebrity problems on a different scale.

The the second topic sentence could have had the following starter sentence:

Similarly sportsmen are admired as long as they are performing on the pitch.

Do you see how the cohesiveness of the paragraphs would have been better served by using a transition sentence situation at the end of the first reasoning paragraph? Creating that connected sense of conversation makes the discussion feel natural. It tells the examiner that you have truly understood the discussion requirements and you know how to approach the discussion in a manner that makes it clear to the reader.

Don't get me wrong, you properly approached the essay discussion. You developed the format properly. It is just the coherence that was a major problem when I began to analyze the work that you did. There are also some other errors in your essay that should be addressed, mostly in the GRA section. You also did excellent work in using the first and second person pronouns in the essay. You used it just enough times to make it matter towards your GRA score.

You accidentally used a double full stop (period) at the end of your final paragraph. You should be proofreading your work before submission. Only one punctuation mark is required at the end of the paragraph.

You should try to use some more impressive vocabulary in your essay. Phrases, words, and sentences that would should an advanced vocabulary ability such as:

poor performance - inferior performance
very short lived - truly short lived

Do not use memorized phrases such as "In conclusion". Try to be more creative in closing your essay. You could say something like; "The preceding reasons should be more than enough evidence that being a celebrity has more drawbacks than benefits.." By the way, you need to have a more proper recap at the end. Always cover the following points:

- Original topic restatement
- Personal opinion
- Reasons provided
- Closing sentence