Hi,
My aim is to achieve 7 or above. Thank you all in advance for the kind help!
IELTS Task 2
Topic:
Some people think children should obey rules and do what the teachers want them to do, others think controlled children are not prepared for children's adult life in the future. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
The views on whether children should obey rules and to what extent children should follow teachers' instruction are split. Some people believe that children should always obey authority, while others think that following orders does more harm than good to children. I believe that whether children should follow the rules is definitely not a matter of black and white. In other words, we should judge it on a case by case basis.
First and foremost, very often we make rules with the intention of teaching children values rather than constraining them. By making rules, we teach children to love and respect other people rather than bully and mock others, to share rather than to be selfish, and to respect diversity rather than be narrow-minded. It is both unrealistic and silly to expect children to be born with good values. In this case, I believe that it is beneficial that children obey rules.
In addition, children are more susceptible to negative influences comparing with adults. It is common practice that films are rated and thus children below a certain age are not exposed to excessive violence. In the same spirit children are banned to drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes. In these scenarios, I strongly support the idea that teachers should make sure that children follow rules.
On the other hand, teachers should not become dictators who do not tolerant different ideas and expect children to blindly obey orders all the time. Much research indicates that too much authority can curb creativity, which is an important human characteristic. Actually, creativity is the major characteristic that differentiates human beings from other animals and thus we should always make sure that children are not limited by the fear that they have different and novel ideas. In the end, we evolve and make progress by having bold ideas and dream big.
Last but not least, we should not try to control children and make every decision for them - sooner or later they will have to make choices for themselves as they grow up so they should learn to make up their own minds as children. If children are taught to be obedient all the time they may feel lost once people no longer tell them what to do.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that children should obey some rules so that they are taught the right values but at the same time children should not be expected to blindly follow the teachers' orders and controlled by rules.
Quite wel-organized and reasonable piece of writing @sophie77
I really don't think there is any mistake except; I rather write this sentence with a slight change:
by having bold ideas and dream big . big dreams
Hi Sophie, here's what I have for your essay.
First of all, the length, it is too long for the given prompt that you actually went round and round with the same idea. Indeed, the points you mentioned are aimed at answering the prompt but to elaborate it in a way that it sounds redundant already, don't get me wrong, the details of the essay is very important but only to some extent.
Next, the last point that you have towards the argument is very relevant, however, I suggest that you summarize this with the conclusion paragraph can be regarded as a conclusion and not next to the final idea that you are trying to incorporate in your essay.
Overall, it is a well written essay and a few revision, base on the suggestions here on EF will not hurt, I hope to review more of your work soon.
Thanks a lot for the feedback :)
Hi Sophie, it's good to hear words of appreciation, it's actually one thing that we look forward whenever we log in to the website, your words of encouragement will only make us more determined to keep this website as much help to you as well as to us. I hope you spread the news that this website does exist with the goal of helping students and writers alike.
Now, for your future writing reference, when answering a prompt, mind the flow of your ideas, make sure that it is in as much detail as needed. Essays are base on a particular topic and this means that your writing should only evolve in it, however, a personal opinion will not hurt if you add a little of it, specially in the last paragraph or before you do the closing statement of the essay.
Furthermore, when writing, mind the purpose of the essay and provide all the necessary information needed to support you essay and make the cut. I do hope to review more of your essays and writing articles here on EF and keep writing.
