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Toefl- Do you think it is good for teenagers to work while schooling?


Poojasugandhi 18 / 35  
Nov 16, 2009   #1
Hi, preparing for the toefl ibt.
please help me out with this essay so as to score well in exam.
Thanks.

In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think is a good idea? Support your opinion with specific details.

In my opinion, it is not the good idea for teenagers to have job while they are still students. Although, many argue that it provide good working experience, but I think it can interfere with their life in various ways. Having jobs would affect the health of the student. It divert their mind from studies and would take away their childhood phase from their life.

A student has to do lots of studies in today's competitive world to prove himself. He has to spend his most of time in school to get a good grades. If the student get involved himself in job in rest of the time, then it would cause an extra burden on them. Furthermore, jobs has various responsibilities like attendance, sometimes extra work and so on. This would result in stress, tension and tiredness. They won't be able to get proper time for relaxation, sleep. Thus, would affect their mental and physical health.

Another reason, jobs can divert students from their studies. If students started earning in earlier age in their life, then they get attracted towards money. They feel themselves independent and would prefer to work more for money. This would affect their studies, they loose their interest from studies. Moreover, they drop out their studies so as to earn more money.

In addition to this, the main drawback of teenagers job is that, they miss out the fun of their childhood time. He would miss various childhood activities such as hang out with friends, clubs and fun activities and social interaction with others. They have whole life to do job and prove themselves, but the childhood phase will never return in their life. Therefore, they should take advantage of life as much possible they can.

Thus, for a teenager it is important to pay attention on their studies. Having job would affect their health, divert them from studies and take away one of the important phase from their life.
bilal ABUZENAH 15 / 81  
Nov 16, 2009   #2
watch the pronouns that you are using in the second paragraph.

singular a student = he or she = his or her
plural students = they = their = them

so I think you should stay with plural to avoid those mistakes.

A student has to do lots of studies in today's competitive world to prove himself . He has to spend his most of time in school to get a good grades. If the student get involved himself in job in rest of the time, then it would cause an extra burden on them . Furthermore, jobs has various responsibilities like attendance, sometimes extra work and so on. This would result in stress, tension and tiredness. They won't be able to get proper time for relaxation, sleep. Thus, would affect their mental and physical health.

check this link.

lsu.edu/faculty/jpullia/subjectpronounagreement.htm

please,check my essays...
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 18, 2009   #3
Your making the same mistake over and over, can be fixed by just reading out loud

Good corrections! But, you are wrong to think they can be corrected by reading aloud. People learning English need to have the rules explained. In this case, it is the way verbs change based the situation:

They provide...
It provides...
We provide
She provides

You add an s if it is one person, but if it is "we" or "they" (plural), it has no s!!! That must be hard to learn, but you can do it.

They divert
We divert
She diverts
It diverts

That is the correct way.

It diverts their mind from studies and would takes away the childhood phase from their life.-----> I made them match each other: It diverts and takes...

Did I explain that rule in a way you can understand?


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