I think it is quite normal that the ratio of men to women varies from subject to subject in schools

Hi,everybody.I am practising writing IELTS essays.I found it difficult to find problems in one's essays by himeself,so I am here asking for some help. I'll very appreciate it. Thanks in advance.

TOPIC: Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every stubject.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

I think it is quite normal that the ratio of men to women varies from subject to subject in universities.By that I mean such difference, to some extent, is an inevitable result of gender difference.

It is obvious that male has very different quilities from female,not just in physical,but also mental aspects,including the way of thinking. Speaking specifically,while men tend to have a better logical mind,the thinking pattern of women is usually more emotional,and female seems to be more thoughtful and careful in comparision with male.Meanwhile, we should notice that each subject has its own requirement for students' abilities, making it favour a certain gender which meet its needs better.For example, the subject of Computer Science, which normally asks for an ability of maths, is more suitable for boys.And in fact, few girls are interested in this subject.

More importantly, the proportion is also impacted by the social demand as well, in terms of work apportunities for different genders.For example, electronic engineer, an occupation which works with mechines most of the time,is more like a man's work.If a girl choose a correspinding major in university, she may be confronted with less work opportunitiesand have to work harder to succeed in this field after graduation.So it will be wiser to take a major providing yourself with higher possibility to get a dreaming work and reach a decent life.

So,overall, I think it is good point to emphasize the same importance of both men and women in all subjects,but the unequal numbers are a result of students' choices based on the suitability of majors and their gender advantages.So I see no need for universities to make it equal,which may even leads to some unexpected results if taken inappropriately.

Dear Charlie Chen
I agree with your opinion, but to some extent, roughly equal number of male and female students may help stidents form a proper personalities.

Thanks for your reply.

That's a good point. I think it can be added to the last paragraph as a complement for opposite view.

And I would be more grateful If you can give some more suggestions on style or manner of writing.

In order to help you build your argument, I'll challenge you with the counter argument: Girls often prefer certain subjects because of the way society teaches them to view themselves, and if we want true gender equality we need to ensure that both genders are equally represented in the various professional fields, starting now. We should accept equal numbers of males and females so that the next generation can see true gender equality in the modern world.

How would you respond to that argument?

Also, here are some corrections:

It is obvious that males have very different quilities from females, not just in physical attributes, but also mental aspects, including the way of thinking.

Specifically, while men tend to have a better logical mind, the thinking pattern of women is usually more emotional, and females seem to be more thoughtful and careful in comparison with males (CITE THE SOURCE OF INFORMATION).-----When you state a fact like this, cite the research study that provided it.

For example, the subject of Computer Science, which normally asks for an ability of maths, is more suitable for boys. And in fact, few girls are interested in this subject.----Evidence exists to support this assertion, but ... my accountant is a girl, and she is much more qualified than I am to use math and logic! :-)

If a girl chooses a corresponding major in university, she may be confronted with less work opportunities and have to work harder to succeed in this field after graduation.

So it will be wiser to take a major providing yourself with higher probability of getting a dream job and achieve a decent life.

So,overall, I think it is good point to emphasize strive toward gender equality all subjects, but the unequal numbers are a result of students' choices based on the suitability of majors for their gender advantages.

Very nice job!!! You have a great way of explaining things.

EF_Kevin
Thank you so much.

I really learnt a lot from your reply.And what you pointed out were some problems that I often ignored. With your help,I think I will never forget them and never make the same mistakes again.

And to be clear,I am absolutely a supporter for gender equality and I also believe true gender equality will make the numbers of males and females equal eventually.However，in this case，my point is that the equal numbers are a result of true gender equlity ，but not a reason or an access to it. What we're talking about are the student numbers of diferent genders in universities which normally reflect the subjective choices of students themselves, but not the direct result of incomplete gender equality.I think if the applicant numbers of different genders for a subject are approximately the same,it is unlikely that the final difference between the accepted students will be huge.In a word, the entrances of most subjects are fair to both genders.So if universities enforce the equality without any change in the unequal social environment,it might lead to some unexpected problems,not to mention the difficult to implement it.So what we should do first is to eliminate the direct causes of gender unequality,such as some unreasonable requirements for gender in some work.Then,when all of these change,especially the tradition conceptions of the public , I believe the numbers will be equal naturally.

The above is my response to the counter argument.I hope I made point.I am studying English hard these days,and I feel I am improving, but I am still afraid that I didn't express myself correctly.

Finally,thank you again for your appraisal of my essay.You have no idea how much confidence I got from your last sentence.I talk about it with my friends all the day,becase I was the worst student in English in my class.

By the way,this forum is a wonderful place.I really like it.Thanks again.

Ha ha, beautifully written. And for me also to be clear: I agree with your argument! If I made a rule that an equal number of males and females should be accepted to each program, it would cause some of the most deserving students to lose their opportunity!

You wrote that counterargument very well... maybe it should be added to the essay!



No, it's true; you have a great way of explaining. I'll find ALL the errors below, and you'll see that there are not many.

And to be clear, I am absolutely a supporter of gender equality, and I also believe true gender equality will make the numbers of males and females equal eventually. However, in this case my point is that the equal numbers are a result of true gender equality, but not a reason or an access to it enforcing equal numbers should not be the way we achieve that equality. What we're talking about are the number of students of each gender in university programs, which normally reflect the subjective choices of students themselves, but are not the direct result of incomplete gender equality.

I think if the applicant numbers of different genders for a subject are approximately the same,it is unlikely that the final difference between the accepted students will be huge. In a word, the entrances of most subjects are fair to both genders.-----See, this is a great way of explaining things.

:-)

I see the errors.Thanks agian.Kevin,you are really a good teacher.:-)

And it's a great activity to become a contributor,helping others as well as improving myself.I will try my best.