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What do you think schools can do to ensure the health, well-being and safety of their students


ama12321 2 / 4  
Jul 20, 2018   #1
GCE O-Level Past Examination Question. Instructions were to write 350 - 500 words on the chosen topic. Thank you for reading!!

WHAT DO YOU THINK SECONDARY SCHOOLS CAN DO TO ENSURE THE HEALTH, WELL-BEING AND SAFETY OF THEIR STUDENTS?

"Good health and good sense are two of life's greatest blessings"


Health, well-being and safety is the most important aspects of one's life. In Singapore, students suffer from health problems due to stress from our demanding education system. This is why the Ministry of Health and the Ministry of Education are working closely to ensure that students are kept from developing mental and physical problems that will affect their health and education. I believe that secondary schools can ensure health, well-being and the safety of students by promoting health campaigns, making sure that students eat healthily, and making sure that they have a balanced lifestyle.

Firstly, by promoting health campaigns, students will be educated on how to prevent themselves from falling ill. Through these health campaigns, students will learn the signs that will tell them if they are falling ill or if they are overworking themselves. Amongst Singaporean youths, is it very common to have headaches and migraines due to the stress of trying to keep up with their demanding syllabus from their schools. However, just because it is common, does not mean it is ok. Headaches and migraines are the first base to falling ill. That is why we have to prevent it to ensure that students are kept from falling ill. Thus, promoting health campaigns will ensure that students are equipped with the skills and knowledge to prevent them from falling ill.

Secondly, by ensuring that students are eating healthily, they will be encouraged to start a healthy diet. Maintaining a healthy diet is the first step to ensuring that a student's well-being is well taken care of. Schools can do this by ensuring that at least one day a week, students are given fruit everytime they buy a meal during recess. By doing this, student's will be getting a healthy fruit in their diet. This will benefit their health greatly. Thus, by ensuring that students maintain a healthy diet, students will be prevented from developing health issues.

Thirdly, by making sure that students lead a balanced lifestyle, they will be able to lead a happier and healthier life. Due to long school hours, and the countless amount of homework given by teachers, students are not able to balance out their lifestyle. Because of this, the obesity rate of Singaporean youth is on the rise. Thus, schools can step in to ensure that students have more exercise per week. By conducting mass exercises every morning and after-school activities related to exercise, students will be able to lead a more healthier lifestyle.

In conclusion, by promoting health campaigns, making sure that students eat healthily, and making sure that they have a balanced lifestyle, we are able to create a conducive environment for students to achieve their best learning capabilities.

Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Jul 21, 2018   #2
HI Amadeus. It's nice to have you back here. I enjoy reading your written work. You have the potential to be a smooth English language writer if you continue to progress with your writing skills. You could probably achieve native speaker status if you really work at it. In order to achieve that status though, you need to address certain writing problems that you currently have.

One of these problems would be how you need to learn when to use "is" and when to use "are". It is a matter of knowing that "is" connotes a singular form while "are" indicates plural form. So when you say "Health, well-being, and safety..." the correct numeral connotation to use here is "are" because you are presenting the present indicative plural of a series of connected words.

Now, you are being asked what the secondary schools can do to promote the health, well-being, and safety of the students. This implies that an actual plan needs to come from you as the writer as to how to solve the issue. You can't just keep mentioning the problems and suggesting that the school or school authorities take action without saying what action you suggest that they take. You can do that because the question asks "What do you think..." So a call to action is involved in your response per topic.

Try to avoid redundancies in your presentation. The third paragraph is saying the same thing over and over again. Just indicate the topic sentence once then move on to the justification and suggested solution. 3 sentences should do it but since you have a 500 word maximum, go ahead and explain away. Just avoid constant repetition in the paragraph.

Your statement about the balanced lifestyle is the best written paragraph in this essay. It shows a topic sentence, justifications, and suggested solutions to the problem. Perfect.
OP ama12321 2 / 4  
Jul 21, 2018   #3
Hi Mary, thanks for reading my essay! I will make sure to heed your advice and improve on my writing for my next essay.


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