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How do you think society will be affected by the growth of telecommuting?


dgr8swati 3 / 3 1  
Sep 13, 2016   #1
IELTS Task 2 Topic: 'Telecommuting' refers to workers doing their jobs from home for part of each week and communicating with their office using computer technology. Telecommuting is growing in many countries and is expected to be common for most office workers in the coming decades. How do you think society will be affected by the growth of telecommuting?

Work from home is increasing in almost all the countries of the world. It is convenient for both employees and employers. This concept of telecommuting is beneficial for the society from social, economical and environment point of view.

From a social point of view, it may positively affect the family which is a core part of the social community. In most of the countries, either parent, especially a woman, will have to leave the job to take care of the child. The concept of work from home enables them to work without going office, making themselves free from the guilt of leaving the child alone at home. Due to this time flexibility, they could spend more time with family, friends and children, which is the sign of a healthy society where people interact and become socialize with each other. Thus, it is the great step towards mental health of people and so flourishing civilization.

From the economical point of view, it helps to grow global economy. As many constraints like time, traveling and social responsibilities are removed by this concept of work from home, more citizens joined the workforce, as a result, production has improved and also the wealth of the country. From another point of view, employers would not have to think about the availability of the resources like workforce, office space, telephones, office stationeries and computers, which decreases the cost of production.

Also, the environment will also be benefitted by this policy. For example, because people will not have to commute to the office every day, not only traffic will be reduced but also air pollution will be diminished.

In conclusion, due to computers, information technology and telecommunication, it has become possible to create a virtual office in the world where people from anywhere could be hired and cost of production could be reduced. Consequently, not only employee and employer but also society as a whole would gain from this.
fadhilmd25 41 / 75 11  
Sep 13, 2016   #2
Intro:

Dear Ms. Wati, I have several suggestion for your writing, correct me if I am wrong,

Thesis statement is quite catchy, however the sentence still can be improved by using varieties words.
Using rhetorical question to figure out the main ideas is a brilliant idea, in my opinion, it will be better to use it in conclusion to strengthen our main points.

There are certain things that I need to be changed according to my opinion:
• Most of the countries -> most Countries
• To take care of the child to take care their/her children(?)
• The environment will also be benefitted better to change to passive form
For vocabulary, the essay shows wide range of lexical resources, for instance;
• Technology telecommuting
• People civilization, employee
• Others constrains, workforce
For the tenses form, overall it shows the complexity of sentences, for example;
Simple sentence with present simple for stating the main topic
Using complex sentence by using connections; which, because
But probably, complex sentence should often be used, to minimalize and make the reader easily to understand the main ideas.
For coherence, it needs to be improved, especially to connect the first idea about social point of view with economic point of view.
After all, this essay is understandable and contain less mistakes in stating its point clearly.


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