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"never thought college was important at all" - Cause and Effect


Dannyrestrepo 1 / -  
Feb 17, 2010   #1
Hello English is my second language and I have to write a Cause and Effect essay...this is what I got so far...

Growing up, I never thought college was important at all. My parents never received a college education degree. They had a good business income even though they did not have college education. When I was in high school my parents told me the effects of going to college. Attending college will help me make new friendships, learn new things, and help me with a better future.

Friendships are hard to make now a days. Friends are really important because they make part of my life. Attending school will help me fiend new friends. They will also be from other countries since colleges have different students from different parts of the world. The effect of this will help me learn from their cultures. It will also help me help me with my studies because the new people I meet will be in the classes that I will be taking.

Randyhl 8 / 33  
Feb 17, 2010   #2
My parents had good business incomes even though they never received a college education degree.

When I was in high school my parents told me the effectsbenefits of going to college.

Attending college will help me make new friendships , learn new things, and help me with aprepare me for a better future.

Friendships are hard to make now a days . Friends are really important because they make part of my lifebecome parts of me. Attending schoocollegel will help me find new new friends. T

They will also be from other countries since colleges have different students from different parts of the world. The effect of this will help me learn from their cultures. It will also help me help me with my studies because the new people I meet will be in the classes that I will be taking.

Wow, very impressive for an English learner. However, you are not saying much. How do you know your friends will be from other countries? Why does that excite you?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Feb 18, 2010   #3
When I was in high school my parents told me the effects of going to college. Attending college will help me make new friendships, learn new things, and help me with achieve a better future.

Your second paragraph does not support the argument you are making. You are supposed to show that going to college causes 3 things. Let the first paragraph be about how it causes you to make new friends:

Friendships are hard to make now a days. This does not support the argument
Friends are really important because they make part of my life. this does not support the argument.

This is a good topic sentence for paragraph 2:
Attending school will help me fiend new friends. (it is SUCH good topic sentence, because it tells what the paragraph is about.

and you continue: They will also be from ...
very good.

Topic sentence for paragraph 3:
Attending school will help me learn new things.
topic sentence for paragraph 4:
Attending school will help me make a better future for myself.

(the first sentence of a body paragraph should be a "topic sentence" that tells the topic of the paragraph.)
Conclusion paragraph:
Say your main idea again: college helps me make friends, learn new things, and make a better future... and talk about it a little.
comet2000 10 / 48  
Feb 18, 2010   #4
Comments: So far, it's ok. I think you should expend more on your essay. It's a bit short but if it's ok with your professor, it's fine. I think you should write a good first sentence to grab the viewers attention (drawn to your essay). That first sentence didn't really grab my attention. You can write something like on why you didn't think college was important before but now it is and want a better future. How will college help you make new friends and new things? Don't forget to create a title for your essay. I left some comments in your essay, it's in italic.


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