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IELTS W,T2: It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in


siurae 3 / 5 3  
Nov 20, 2016   #1
TOPIC: It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. What do you think is the reason for a growth in the rate of juvenile crime? What solutions can you offer to deal with this situation?

Many people believe that the increasing number of youth crime is associated with the widely spread physical scenes in media. In my opinion, this is one of the causes among in many reasons, and I believe that good parenting and a stronger juvenile legal system can prevent minors from embarking on a life of crime.

In my view, there are two main reasons for the accelerating rate of youth violation. Firstly, parents are too busy with work, which they are not being able to spend enough time with their children. Without the supervision and care, teenagers do not feel the need to stay at home , as a result, they end up being on the streets and entertain themselves in a way that can excite them , such as stealing. Secondly, the punitive measures for adolescence are not strong enough to stop them from committing crimes. The penalties for young individuals are totally different from adults when it is dealing with the same crime. In many countries, the sanctions for teenagers are considered to be warning rather than actual punishment.

I think that the incidence of youth crime can be reduced through good parenting and a strengthen juvenile legal system. Parents play an important role in the growth of teenagers. If parents spend more time to connect with their children and get to know their friends, teenagers are unlikely to feel bored and isolated from family. Meanwhile, strict penalties should be introduced aimed at punishing young offenders, in particular, the repeat offenders, as I believe that this will be an effective way to minimise and deter the crime intention of young people.

To conclude, the increasing number of youth offenders are driven by the lenient juvenile legal rules and distance relationship between young individuals and parents, good parenting and deterrent penalty are the key solutions to solve this problem.

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Hi all,

Those words with word effect are self-correcting after look up online for better expressions and grammar corrections.
Any better expression for sentences in red color please?

Any recommendations would be appreciated. Thank you very much :)

Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Nov 20, 2016   #2
Siu, I am going to caution you against looking up better word terms and grammar correction online during your practice tests. Do not fall into this habit because you will not have the opportunity to do these activities when you take the actual test. In fact, the computer will not be connected to the internet in the way that you think it will be. It will have severely limited access and will only allow you to access the test server and nothing more.

Therefore, you should write this essay in the way that your natural grammar, sentence structure, lexicon, and task achievement will be reflected and actually graded. All practice tests as designed to discover the problem areas of your English skills. If you cheat the system by looking up the words and grammar in an effort to try and improve your practice score, you will not be fooling anyone but yourself. Come time for the actual test, you will most likely freeze and be unable to write because you already got used to perfecting your essays through online help.

Remember this, you do not need to present a grammatically perfect essay. You just need to present the best essay that your English abilities will allow you to. You will be graded fairly based upon your skills. Cheating yourself during the practice test will not help you at all. You can improve your writing skills outside of the practice tests based upon our suggestions for your improvement.

At this point, I will refuse to grade the test and even review it for content because this is not who you really are on paper. You are not reflecting your true abilities in this essay and as such, I cannot properly guide you towards the improvement of your English writing skills. I am sorry about that but I feel that is the only fair thing to do. Now, if you will rewrite this essay in your own words and allow us to accurately judge you based on your real writing abilities, then I will offer you the best possible advice to help you hone your skills.
OP siurae 3 / 5 3  
Nov 23, 2016   #3
@Holt

Thank you for your suggestions. You are right on the point that I would forgot most of the wordings when I step into the exam venue. I was just tried to expand my vocabularies every time I finished an essay. I would bear in mind that try to use my own knowledge of English to write a better but not an perfect essay.

Thank you so much for your guidance and I hope my next essay won't disappoint you.


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