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IELTS:Task 2 Essay- Threat/Benefit of nuclear technology


Rhane 1 / 4 1  
Feb 4, 2014   #1
Hi, I'm going to take IELTS after a few weeks and I find writing to be the most difficult especially in task 2. I needed a band 7 and I'm always around 6 to 6.5. My instructor says I tend to have irrelevant sentences and lacks more ideas. But she never pointed how to do it better though, just pointing out my mistakes. So now I am just self studying. I just find it difficult to write everything under time pressure. And thought I just needed more practice. Now, I based my essay structures from what I have seen in other IELTS sites but find it difficult to find an evaluator. I hope someone could help me make my writing skills better. Thanks in advance! :)

Academic IELTS
Task 2
write in 40 minutes with at least 250 words

To what extent is nuclear technology a danger to life on Earth? What are the benefits and risks associated with its use?

Nuclear technology, as a whole, has immensely influenced the lives of many people all over the world. It has been more than five hundred years that nuclear technology was developed. However, with its many uses, it can be a source of destruction or a life saving tool for humanity. In this essay, we will further discuss this to determine whether nuclear technology is more of a threat or a benefit to man.

It was greatly known, the horror that nuclear technology has taken part in the history of many countries. One such example is the nuclear bombing in Japan which has devastatingly destroyed cities and caused thousands of deaths. This use of atomic bomb, which is a product of nuclear technology, has led to unnecessary deaths and loss of properties. Hence, misuse of this technology therefore has a global extent of causing destruction.

On the other side, nuclear technology has helped improve lives all over the world. Medicine, as an example, has used this technology to advance imaging and diagnostic studies which created milestones of achievement to accurately detect and diagnose diseases. Another example, is that, nuclear technology has provided a more effective and cleaner source of energy that is used in most countries nowadays. With these life changing benefits nuclear technology has indeed helped the world become a better place.

From what we have discussed, nuclear technology can bring great benefit or huge danger to us all. It is interesting to say however that like all other things we posses, it is how we use them that determines the outcome. It all comes down to us, by utilizing nuclear energy to more constructive ways, the world would be a lot more safer and definitely more brighter.

sabakhai 5 / 11  
Feb 5, 2014   #2
Essay is very well planned and organised. Best luck with your exam.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 5, 2014   #3
Your writing style is very impressive and I do not think you'd have any problem with this task. You can surely go for a very good band :) I give below the structure that is generally recommended by many IELTS teachers and this structure contains all features that are important for you earn a good score.
aldebaran 8 / 17 2  
Feb 5, 2014   #4
I think you should state your position in the introduction.
cheers.
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Feb 5, 2014   #5
Yes, I am with alderbaran. It is always better to conclude your introduction with a clear statement that expresses your opinion. That helps you navigate your reader in your preferred direction, I mean the position you take on the argument.

Your writing style is very impressive and I do not think you'd have any problem with this task. You can surely go for a very good band :)

I too agree 200% with dumi. It's only you need to polish the essay structure that would help you get a real good band. I think dum's suggestion is the best in that.
Fardhani Putri 23 / 46 7  
Feb 6, 2014   #6
Hi there...
if you want to get high band score, just looking for IELTS Writing Band Descriptions and you may know about your task response, coherence and cohesion, lexical resources and grammatical range / accuracy and all of the criteria of band 7 are written in there.

I think your essay quite good , but just be careful with your punctuation because you use many commas

However, with its many uses, it can be a source of destruction or a life saving tool for humanity

...

This use of atomic bomb, which is a product of nuclear technology, has led to unnecessary

...

Another example, is that, nuclear technology has provided a more effective

.. but overall good
halleybachelor 16 / 25 1  
Feb 6, 2014   #7
It has been more than five hundred years that nuclear technology was developed.

I think it should be "It has been more than five hundred years since nuclear technology was developed."
OP Rhane 1 / 4 1  
Feb 7, 2014   #8
Yeah.. thanks for pointing that out! I never noticed it till now. LOL. Thanks for the corrections..
OP Rhane 1 / 4 1  
Feb 7, 2014   #9
That's the same question I've been asking myself, whether I have completed the Task Requirement. I'm afraid that some of you were right since my point of view was written only in the Concluding paragraph... :(
Alison 5 / 13  
Feb 7, 2014   #10
Your writing is pretty good. I believe it worth a band score of 7.

Hence, misuse of this technology therefore has a global extent of causing destruction.

I don't think 'Hence' is the right conjunction to use here. What about using 'these are the signs of how...' instead?

All the best! :)
OP Rhane 1 / 4 1  
Feb 7, 2014   #11
Thank you.. I noticed that too. I'm still experimenting with how I write essays. I'm not quite very liberal with my sentences as you've noticed, that is because I was previously told I have too many irrelevant topics so I try to avoid that mistake again. I'll try better next time. I'm still doing more research how to improve my writing. :) Thanks again to your positive comments and also from others! I feel that I'm on the right track. :)


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