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Three exported products (graph) such as meat products, dairy products, and international tourism


Fatirtalent 12 / 19  
Sep 27, 2016   #1
The given bar chart informs the comparisons about someland's main exports in 2005 and 2015 and projected exports in 2015. There are three exported products such as meat products, dairy products, and international tourism. It is noticeable that tourism sector contributed the most someland's income while the least earning was supplied by the meat products.

Between 2005 and 2015, the dairy products increased dramatically from USD 4.5 billion to approximately USD 8 billion. During the same period, the tourism sector escalated gradually by around USD 1 billion while the bar chart of meat products showed a decrease to below USD 4 billion in 2015.

By 2025, a number of projected meat products exports will continue its negative trend, it will shrink slightly to USD 3 billion. But the export amount of international tourism will twice as much as exported meat products. By contrast, dairy products will diminish slightly by USD 0.2 billion. (152 words)

note: drop your inputs followed by clear explanation




mualla 19 / 92 28  
Dec 15, 2016   #2
Hi let me give you some grammar corrections and my suggestions:
The given bar chart informs the comparisons aboutcompares someland's main...

There are three exported products such as: meat products,...

It is noticeable thatThe tourism sector contributed the most someland's incomeearning while the meat products supplied the least earning was supplied by the meat products .

USD 1 billion while the bar chart of meat products showed a decrease to belowless than USD 4 billion in 2015.

By 2025, it is expected thatathe number of projected (...) its negative trend, it will shrinkshrinking to USD 3 billion.

But theThe export amount of international tourism will increase by twice as much ...
ByIn contrast, dairy products ...

First paragraph comments:
The first paragraph is good in that it explains what you will talk about and summarizes the data overall well.

Second paragraph comments:
For this paragraph, I think you should talk in order, meaning talk about the meat products first then dairy then tourism because this is the order that the chart goes. Therefore, you might want to change up your conclusions accordingly.

Third paragraph comments:
In the third paragraph I see what you are trying to say and I would recommend that you refer to the future when you are talking about years like 2025. Examples of phrases include: "it is expected that..." "we can predict that..." or anything that you can come up with. I would not really use the phrase "it will..." because although the chart does show that prediction, we are still in the year 2016.

These are my suggestions and comments. Should you have any other questions I can assist you.


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