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Three points why people these days are living longer.


chuoi9 3 / 8 3  
May 14, 2015   #1
Throughout history, the human race has a strong desire for living longer. And this dream gradually comes true these days: People are living longer than their ancestors. How could they make it happen? I think there are there reasonable answers to the problem:

Firstly, there have been a lot of advancements in medical field. In recent years, scientists have taken big steps towards research on new medicine. As well, doctors have applied more effective treatments than ever before. Consequently, many diseases which were considered incurable now can be cured. Millions patiences were saved from almost certain death. For example: Tuberculosis was one of the most formidable diseases that killed many victims in the past but today it can be treated.

Secondly, the medicine price is much lower than before because pharmaceutical companies always try to manufacture cheaper medicine to attract new customers. On the other hand, people have a higher living standard, as well as making more money to pay their medicine bills. In fact, many of them have the medical insurance so they do not worry too much about the medicine price. In poor countries, the lower medicine price is a crucial factor which reduced medical costs considerably for needy people. For example: Aids patients in African are provided with free medicine that help them live for a very long time despite Aids is still incurable. It is obvious that expensive medicine would result in a sentence of death for poor patiences.

Thirdly, in recent years, the global medical systems have been improved to meet the health demand of people. Governments given their health policies more serious consideration. They have invested more money in health sector: building more hospitals, upgrading the facilities, as well as improving together the quality of health services. Moreover, authorities have enacted many health laws to offer benefits in society. For example: In US, ObamaCare allows Americans without health insurance to get coverage, as well as ensure that health care coverage is available to any US resident who cannot obtain quality heath care through their employer.

justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
May 14, 2015   #2
- And this dream gradually comes true these days:.

- I think there are there reasonable answers to thethis problem:

- FirstlyFirst , there havehas been a lot...

- Secondly and thirdly is Second and Last but not the least respectively

- Governments has given their health policies more serious consideration.

Chou, overall, your essay is great. You answered the target question to address your concern regarding health and life expectancy.
I would like you to take note of the following to enhance your essay;

- punctuation marks, colon (:) versus comma (,), as I notice you separate your sentences with colon, if an idea is within a sentence, use a comma.

- sentence construction, the flow of of your sentence is good but you can make it better, you have to construct your idea in a logical order to ensure a smooth flow of the idea in your paragraph.

And I think you have more ideas than what you have in this essay, I suggest another paragraph. Check this one below;

As a result of this advancement, people live longer and make more out of life. They travel more, explore more and best of all they learn more. Not to mention the disadvantages that it brings, the advantages are far better than anybody thought is was. All we have to do is keep exploring, count our blessings and never waver in finding greater good in every soul.

Keep writing.

Cheers!!!
EF_Carol - / 145 39  
May 14, 2015   #3
Millions. patiencewere saved from nearly certain death.

CORRECTED: Millions of patients were saved from certain death.

Use of the correct word is extremely important. Patience is a virtue, but not what you were trying to say. Use a dictionary and a thesaurus as you write.


I think there are reasonable answers to this problem:

CORRECTED: I think there are reasonable answers to this problem. These include: (then list your major points, in a list with commas, as part of your intro.)

Your ideas are good but you need to bemire concise. You tend to ramble, and have many run on sentences. Eliminate these and allow the reader to breathe. Use of shorter sentences will allow the reader to concentrate. Otherwise they are driven in too many directions with too many ideas, bunched together.

Your essay, is upbeat, and that's good. You bring in the right amount of facts to prove your point about increased longevity today. With just some minor editing, your essay wouldbe polished.

ef. _carol
nguyenvannam 5 / 11  
May 19, 2015   #4
For example, Tuberculosis was one of the most formidable diseases that killed many victims in the past but today it can be treated.

For example: AIDS patients in African are provided with free medicine that help them live for a very long time despite Aids is still incurable.

Governments have given their health policies more serious consideration.


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