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Three types of unhealthy nutrients in each meal in the USA - IELTS TASK 1 (Academic) Pie Chart

Elise990119 2 / 7  
Jul 29, 2020   #1
The following is my article, thanks for reading and commentating it. All of your comments are really valuable for me.

sodium, saturated fat and added sugar in american menu

The charts compare the distribution of three types of unhealthy nutrients in each meal in the USA.

According to the charts, sodium and saturated fat are consumed most at dinner, the second-high consumption of these two unhealthy nutrients appear during the lunch. As for the added sugar consumption, it is often eaten by snacks and American are not always consume it when they have breakfast.

Looking information for more detail, American daily dinner makes up 43% and 37% in the consumption of sodium and saturated fat. Lunch account for the second large proportion, representing 29% and 26% respectively. Breakfast make up the least percentage for these two nutrients, only about 15%.

Moreover, snack is the most possible meal that Americans will have chance to eat added sugar, (42%), and dinner is the second likelihood that people in USA consume added sugar, (23%). On the other hand, dinner is the least significant occasion to consume this unhealthy nutrients, just below 20%.

  • topic

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,363 2885  
Jul 30, 2020   #2
The summary overview could have been more complete and accurate. Remember, these images are not just charts but pie charts. Each divided into 4 sections. Every section should have been identified as a part of the summary, along with the bad nutrients measured by each chart. Your information is also inaccurate when it comes to the unhealthy reference. You should have paraphrased that all these nutrients would be bad for one's health if over consumed or eaten without regards for health standards. Your opening summary is actually the weakest point of this essay.

I also did not find any reference to a trending statement in your presentation. You should be presenting 5 sentences for the summary overview. That is, if you want to present a thorough and complete overview. 3 sentences would be fine, but 5 is the aim for a higher TA score.

You should never present a paragraph under 3 sentences. That is an incomplete paragraph. It will not help you increase your overall score. The GRA, in particular, requires a complete paragraph presentation so that your grammar range ( simple and complex sentences) and punctuation usage can be proper scored.
OP Elise990119 2 / 7  
Jul 30, 2020   #3
@ Holt Thank you very much!!! Your advice is so helpful for me~
hyperephania 10 / 27  
Aug 1, 2020   #4
I purport that your writing could have been better if you used more complex sentences instead of purely compound and simple ones. Also, I believe you missed the singular form in your verbs (Breakfast makes)...
Huong789456123 1 / 3  
Aug 1, 2020   #5
I think your essay will be better when you compare figure each other
OP Elise990119 2 / 7  
Aug 2, 2020   #6
Thank you so much, those are really useful~

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