Unanswered [11] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

Writing Task 1 - Ticket buying Chart Comparison


RomeD 1 / 1  
Sep 3, 2014   #1
Hi I'm new in this forum and I would be grateful if you could give me feedback on my essay = )

The charts below show how selected age groups purchased concert, cinema, and theatre tickets online over the first three months of 2006 in three countries and how the Internet was accessed.

Summarize the information by selectring and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.


The bar charts shows how people of different group ages are more prone to purchasing tickets online for cinema, concert and theatre events and their preferred mean to obtain them. Moreover, this survey was taken by three countries during 2006.

The middle age group (25-44) in the UK and Australia, is more likely to buy tickets online, being a hefty 53%. While, in Malaysia both age groups (elderly and middle age) are less prone to purchase through the internet, being slightly below the 40%. Furthermore, the elderly in Australia are more likely to use the internet to acquire tickets than in UK or Malaysia, being nearly half the total percentage.

Meanwhile, the predominant mean of access in the three countries is the desktop computer being over 50%. Moreover, the least popular device used to buy tickets in these three countries, is the mobile phone, which is under a third of the percentage.

To sum up, acquiring tickets online is popular between 25-44 age groups of Australia and the UK, being the desktop computer their preferred mean of access among this three countries.
nguoi_co_doc 7 / 16 10  
Sep 3, 2014   #2
I cannot see your bar graphs, so I only give feedback on introduction. ^_^. Remember to attach your chart, my friend :))
The bar charts shows how people of different group ages are more prone to purchasing tickets online for cinema, concert and theatre events and their preferred mean to obtain them in 2006. Moreover, this survey was taken by three countries during 2006.

I wonder that you have 2 describe at least 2 bar graphs. So be careful with the verb which follow subjects
OP RomeD 1 / 1  
Sep 3, 2014   #3
I'm sorry, I didn't know that I could attach images.

Here are the charts =)



dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Sep 3, 2014   #4
The bar charts showsshow how people of different group ages are more prone to purchasing tickets online for cinema, concert and theatre events and their preferred mean to obtain them. Moreover, this survey was taken by three countries during 2006.

First, this task is aimed at assessing your report writing skills and therefore you should present details in a very concise and reporting manner. Do not unnecessarily lengthen your sentences and try to be more formal in your tone than being personal.

This is my suggestion for the intro;
The bar charts present details about online ticket purchasing for theater, concert and cinema . The first chart shows the popularity levels of online ticket purchases in Australia, UK and Malaysia for two different age categories. The the second chart shows the details of means of access such as desktops, laptops and mobile phones for online ticket purchasing in the three countries.


Home / Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1 - Ticket buying Chart Comparison