More time and effort on improving the world now than it was in the past?

Please help me to revise the essay, thanks!
Young people today are more likely to invest their time and effort on improving the world than young people in the past.

young people contribution to the society

There exists a range of myths toward youth's voluntary. One of such myths is that young people today put more their efforts to make the place we live better than the youngsters in the past. The reasons are obvious and strong.

It is said that since the students have more opportunities to arrange their schedule nowadays, and thus they have time to participate in community services. This, however, is not necessarily true. Indeed, the students have more time after classes, but they will invest in themselves instead of society. They join the clubs to make more new friends and learn social skills or have a part-time job to earn money. It seems that they are able to take more advantages from other works immediately than helping the people.

It is also feared, on the other hand, youngsters have lots of freedom to get touch with the charities or social activities, while there were many laws confined people's actions from the former government. The fact, nonetheless, may be otherwise. The frauds from donating money or crimes about the legality of the groups are increasing that usually launch on the news. Sometimes, it is difficult for teenagers to tell the illegal situations without much experience. It will pose them into danger and decrease the ideas to volunteer to help others.

Some people still argue, lastly, that young people easily conduct what they desire to do, while people did not have a range of sources in the past. But this argument still appears arbitrary. Although the children receive the information about being kind to the environment on the internet or in the school, the parents overly protect their children. The parents afraid their only child will get hurt or ask the child to focus on his homework. Sending their children to the cram school or staying at home safely is more crucial than help others.

Given the reasons that investing in themselves, keeping the danger at bay, and overly be protected by parents, it is not logical to say the young people are willing to contribute to improving the society.

Maybe it is better to assert your answer, whether you agree with the statement or not, better and in a much more clear way.

... their schedule nowadays, and thus they have time ...

... on the other hand, that youngsters have lots (...) social activities, I am not sure though, just double check it

to get in touch

laws That confined

Some people still argue, lastly, that young people I am not sure about this kind of usage, it sounds a little odd. So if you are sure can you give me a reference that I can learn too.

About the reasons, they sound good, however I guess you can show the relationship between the reason and you stance on the argument in a much clearer way. This was how I felt about the writing. for instance, in the last reason, I waited till the end of the paragraph to see how it is related to the topic.

thank you for your corrections on my writing as well.

Ching, your prompt is lacking the discussion instruction sentence. That is why I am finding it difficult to review this essay. Please make sure to post the complete and original prompt next time you come here for an essay review. I will be unable to properly study your essay without it. Your opening paragraph is not informative. It does not provide an accurate representation of the original prompt. It also neglects to inform the reader as to what kind of essay discussion you are going to present and why. Based upon the problems of your opening statement, I can tell that the TA score for this essay will not be enough to help it pass the test. When you do not get a high TA score, the rest of the scoring criteria is automatically scored on a lower scale as well. The errors of the TA carry over or spill over to the rest of the essay content. Hence, the final score is immediately lower than you would expect.

Additionally, you need to learn when you use terms such as "On the other hand". That is always placed at the start of the paragraph to indicate that you are making a comparison discussion of the the first opinion with this new, second opinion. Review some example essays here and note how they use these terms within. That should help you understand how to accurately use the term.

@Holt
Thank you for all suggestions!
I revised my mistakes below. I would greatly appreciate it if you give me more advice!
Thanks again!

When it comes to the personality of youth's volunteering, some people believe that young people today put more their efforts to make the place we live better, while people in the past are unwilling to participate. That is why there are more youngsters invest their time and energy to volunteer works. I doubt this statement for a spectrum of reasons which I will be discussing below.

It is said that since students have more opportunities to ...

It is also feared, furthermore, that youngsters have lots of freedom to get touch with the charities or social activities, while there were many laws to confine people's actions from the former government. The fact, nonetheless, may be otherwise. News about fraud involving donation is reported now and it is difficult for teenagers to tell the illegal situations without much experience. Some people who pretend they are charity will force people to donate money, buy pens or even borrow money on the street. If the youngsters do not have the ability to judge, this will pose danger for them and decrease their willingness to volunteer.

Some people still argue, lastly, that young people easily ...