Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0] - SERVICES
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Over the time, the emergence of sophisticated electronic media brought many advantages for people


septiadara29 48 / 67 9  
Nov 1, 2016   #1
The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Writing Task 2, Unit 4D, Page 28


Over the time, the emergence of sophisticated electronic media has bring many advantages for people around the world. Meanwhile, others think that the drawback can affect to our personal relationships with other people. I totally agree with the statement and I will discuss the reason in this essay.

Firstly, there are several types of electronic media that people enjoy using it. One of them is smart phone. The reason is people can use not only for communicate, but also do other activities, such as business for shopping online or booking air ticket by only one click. According to the journal, experts have done some research about this phenomenon and found a result in 2015, people who opt shopping online by using smart phone than go from shop to shop, jumped to 76%. It is true that there is a significant increase in shopping online application that can be downloaded in mobile phone. Thus, the electric media usage make people convenient to use it.

On the other hand, besides its outweigh for the user, it is able to give a negative influence and especially to our personal relationships with close people. Although the benefit can connect us to other people who live far away from us, our relationships with people surround us might be getting worse. For instance, many children use their gadget when they have a dinner with family. As result, they have lack of social life with real people than virtual friends. Thus, it can bring a bad effect on our relationships between people.

Overall, I believe that people can get many benefits from electronic media due to its usage, eventhough the disadvantage may cause negative effect on our social life with surrounding people. (285 words)

amrillahmk 29 / 47 6  
Nov 1, 2016   #2
... electronic media has bringbrought many advantages for ...

The reason is that people can use not ...

a result in 2015, in whichpeople who opt shopping

the electric media usage makes people

As result, they have lack of social life ...
abangabul93 15 / 27  
Nov 1, 2016   #3
Hello @septiadara, I got some suggestions for your writing:

1. ... electronic media has bring(BROUGHT) many advantages ...

2. The reason is(THIS IS BECAUSE) people can use ...

3. On the other hand, besides its outweigh(ADVANTAGES) for the user,

4. ... due to its usage, eventhough(EVEN THOUGH) the disadvantage may cause (A) negative effect on ...


Home / Writing Feedback / Over the time, the emergence of sophisticated electronic media brought many advantages for people