Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 6


"Time flies". So grab all the moments you can within the time. Indeed college years are the best.


sally_922 3 / 6  
Jun 16, 2015   #1
TOEFL: THE COLLEGE YEARS ARE THE BEST TIME IN A PERSON'S LIFE. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THIS

Someone has rightly said, "Time flies". So grab all the moments you can within the time. College years too pass soon and leave a vestige on us for lifetime. I agree with the statement that indeed college years are the best. It teaches us many valuable lessons, can make new friends and base to face the life ahead.

An experience of an educational tour for 4 years teaches us many valuable lessons. College do not only teaches us the bookish knowledge but endows us with myriads of priceless lessons. I bet these lessons are fresh in your mind. It directs you on the right path to your destination.

Elementary school: 30 friends, Middle school: 20 friends, High school: 10 friends and College: 3 real friends. College gives us the opportunity to interact with new people. During college life we make friends for lifetime. They hold on to us and make us relive those special moments. Best thing ever happened to me in college was that I met Sam and Julie. They are still alive in my memory and we often meet.

Including valuable lessons and making new friends, college supply a base for us to face the upcoming life. It makes us experience some harsh situations to build our inner strength to enter into the real world. All of these things assist us to grow and it remains with us forever. No doubt that we are enamored of college life.

Eventually, college years are the best years of one's life as it endows us with lessons, friends and inner-strength to face the real world. Twelve years of school and four more years of college, then you work out till you die. SO GO LIVE YOUR FOUR YEARS! DON'T YOU MISS THEM!
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Jun 16, 2015   #2
I am going to help you with meaning. There are some slight changes you can make that will help you improve.

1st paragraph: Change the second sentence to: within that time. I think "base to face" should be changed because it is confusing.

2nd paragraph: I think you should begin this paragraph with "Attending college for four years ...". The next sentence delete "do". Bookish should be book. Don't use, I bet.

3rd paragraph: When you write the number of friends and different schools, it can only have meaning if you describe it. You could state that during your school years, your number of real friends decreased. Also, the last sentence could have a few meanings. I think you mean that you remember your friends and still interact with them.

4th paragraph: The last sentence you want to express you are enamored with college life.

5th paragraph: Change the last part of this sentence to: "work until you die".
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Jun 17, 2015   #3
Sally, I'll be working on your essay. Hopefully it helps;

- College years is too soon to passtoo pass soon and leave a vestige on us for lifetime.

- It teaches us many valuable lessons, can make new friends and form a base to face the life ahead.

- An experience of an educational tour for 4 years teaches us many valuable lessonsa great deal of knowledge about life in general .

- College dodoes not only teaches us the bookish knowledge but endows us with myriads of priceless lessons.

- It directs you onto the right path to your destination.

- They are still alive in my memory and We often meet and re- live the memories of our college days.

- Including valuable lessons and making new friends, college supply a base for us to face the upcoming life ahead .

- Eventually, college years are the best years of one's life. as it endows us with lessons,we delete this phrase as it has been used too many times throughout the essay) friends and inner-strength to face the real world.

- Twelve years of school and four more years of college, then you work out till you die Total of 16 long and life enriching school days and of we go for yet another colorful chapter of life.

- SO GO LIVE YOUR FOURTHIS FULL FRUITFUL FOUR YEARS! DON'T YOUDARE MISS THEM!

So, there you have it. I made some corrections, most of the grammar and sentence construction which is quiet major corrections but I know you will do better next time.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!
OP sally_922 3 / 6  
Jun 17, 2015   #4
Thank you to both of you. I will definitely take care next time.
M19O09F11 6 / 9 1  
Jun 17, 2015   #5
College years is too soon to passtoo pass soon and leave a vestige on us for lifetime = College years are
EF_Carol - / 145 39  
Jun 24, 2015   #6
You wrote an excellent essay on college years! I think your basic structure is good. So is yourvocabulary and punctuation. Some attention to the following will help, though.

college do not only teach us...

CORRECTED: college does not only teach us...

Correct word choice is important for strong writing! Basic verb conjugation is essential to get right.

we make friends for lifetime...

CORRECTED: we make friends for a lifetime...

Do not leave out your articles. This is the formal English you need for written work.

I think you made your point about college life, but just need some attention to verb conjugation, and not skipping words that are necessary for formal papers.

Good start!

ef. _carol


Home / Writing Feedback / "Time flies". So grab all the moments you can within the time. Indeed college years are the best.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳