Hello there,
Thank you for taking your time and reading my essay. English is not my native language and even after 16 years of learning it I still struggle with expressing clearly and correctly what goes trough my mind. I'll appreciate for your feedback on any aspect of the essay.
The Peace Corps requirements are:
"Peace Corps service presents major physical, emotional, and intellectual challenges. In the space below, please provide a few paragraphs explaining your reasons for wanting to serve as a Peace Corps Volunteer and how you plan to overcome the various challenges associated with Peace Corps service. This essay is the writing sample Peace Corps uses to assess your professionalism and maturity as a candidate. Please spend time editing your essay/writing sample (less than 500 words)."
Time To Give Back
As we peel back layers of social stereotypes, expectations, and obligations, exposing the true core of who we are, as humans, it becomes obvious that we are all driven by the desire to live in love and peace. Though it may sound simple, many do not know what love is or how to be at peace.
These questions may be as old as humanity but somehow, although there are claims of knowing the answer(s), it is not sufficient just to read or hear about it. It is important to actually apply the principles of love in order to grasp them.
Most people fall short in this practical application which requires diligence and commitment in addition to honesty with oneself. The path is not easy, especially attempting it alone, and is the reason there are opportunities and countless organizations that unite people in this attempt.
Peace Corps has always been first on my list of these types of organizations because it was formed and continues to stand on the principle of human dignity and the freedom to be independent, improving and self-sufficient. I deeply resonate with the fact that these principles are not based on religion, social status, race or gender, because I believe this is how it should be. We are all one living organism, each playing a vital role that interconnects us to each other. Staying true to our nurturing nature is the only way we will be able to survive as a species. Peace Corps support goes beyond borders, conditions and circumstances to promote the basic human right to learn, be creative and be the best one can be. It provides the opportunity to communicate and learn from each other.
I have been a witness and participant in the collapse of the planet's biggest country and major ideologies in the world known as The Soviet Union. Overnight the life of millions was turned upside down, declaring that 4 generations lived in illusion of happiness, prosperity, and hope. I have experienced the beauty and strain of being a mother while raising two boys and I also self-transplanted into a foreign culture, by immigrating to the United States of America from Belarus, in 1998. So in my 44 years, there were plenty of times when I was ready to give up and even times when I did give up. Fortunately, there was always someone there who would stretch their arm in support, share their time, lend words of comfort, and let me tap into their energy, embrace me, change tears of sadness into tears of laughter or simply help me survive. There was always the opportunity to learn from them and I now feel it is time for me to give back to humanity and share my knowledge, energy and soul. When I ask, "How do I best do that?" my answer is Peace Corps.
Cleo, your response to the essay is empty. It is not offering the information that you were asked to provide in the prompt. the essay that you wrote is college common app prompt application level. It is not at the same level that would be expected of a potential Peace Corps Volunteer. Keep in mind that you are not writing a personal statement for college application here, you are applying to become and serve as one of the most self-less people on the planet. As a peace corp application reviewer, I would expect to see more of a sense of maturity, responsibility, and care for others within your response. After all, the prompt clearly asks you to write an essay that will help the Peace Corps to "assess your professionalism and maturity as a candidate." Aside from your passion for humanity, the true essence of the essay response is not represented at all.
Try to revise the essay to show a sense of professionalism and maturity in your part. Mention any socio-civic activities that relate to caring for others such as volunteering at an elderly home, helping at soup kitchen, or simply donating to those in need by participating in fund raising activities. Those are acts that will show maturity and professionalism on your part.
As a final comment, I would also like to point out that you did not manage to discuss the known difficulties of being a Peace Corps volunteer and how you plan to overcome those obstacles. Some of these difficulties include: living under adverse circumstances such as not having a proper bathroom and toilet and lack of anonymity and isolation. Since you will be serving in countries that will not have internet access or mobile phone signals, how do you plan to deal with homesickness and other emotional issues that might arise? It is important that you let the reviewer know that you are prepared for the demands of joining the corps and you have an idea as to how you can deal with the obstacles that sometimes make people quit the corps.
Dear @vangiespen,
Thank you for your feedback.
In my essay I describe 3 major events of my life I thought were self-explanatory in therms of illustrating my preparedness to volunteering challenges. The essay is limited by 500 words, which dictate to be short, sweet and to the point. My professionalism is reflected in my CV. Repeating it in motivational statement seems redundant to me.
Cleo, what seems self explanatory to you, is required in detail by the prompt. What seems redundant to you because of your motivational statement is not redundant to the reviewer because you are expected to deliver additional information relevant to the prompt provided. Hence, the essay you submit for this particular prompt should be different in content from the motivational letter.
The information you provide should allow the reviewer to see a higher sense of maturity and professionalism on your part. A simple internet search of the real challenges facing the Peace Corps volunteers should help you understand that. It is not about your personal experiences, it is about how you will handle the punishing and grueling life of a Peace Corp volunteer in an actual setting. Which is far different from what you have experienced in your personal life. However, since you obviously wish to use this essay that you wrote, and do not really consider the advice that I gave you to be helpful, then go on as you wish and use this essay that you wrote for your application.
It is not my duty nor my desire to convince you that I am right in this matter. My only objective was to help improve your essay response. Mine is only unsolicited advice. So good luck with your application. I am sure that you will do well with this essay that you wrote :-)
I agree with the other user. The current essay speaks to your past but not your future as a member of the Peace Corps.
Discussing your understanding of the lifestyles of most people you'll be serving is helpful. Also talk about emotional or physical challenges that you have faces that may prepare you for the Peace Corps. You touched based on this already: explaining your reasons for wanting to serve as a Peace Corps Volunteer.
Now you have to further develop this: how you plan to overcome the various challenges associated with Peace Corps service.
