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Some tips for teenagers to have a healthy lifestyle


NinaJoesuf25 36 / 66 4  
Nov 11, 2016   #1
Apparently, children' notorious daily activity should be seriously tackled by parents' role. Children should, of course, keep under surveillance by day and night by their mom and dad. They ought to maintain their own health by doing some weakly sports activities or giving them the best nourishing diet. There are three ways that crucial to maintain their healthy. Initially, they should eat nutritiously. It means that they should concentrate on cutting down on unhealthy food and soft drink and take nutrition of protein, carbohydrates and fats into consideration. Moreover, breakfast is a must. It is clear that skipping meals is not good for health since the nutrition is necessary for their growth. As we know, teens are faced with a lot of activities that are requiring more and more energy. So, the best way to deal with this is to nourish them good fresh food so as to lead a healthy life and stay fit.

thejakartapost

smarsmith12 1 / 2  
Nov 11, 2016   #2
It looks good, Just some grammar and structure issues...
Your Sentence: Children should, of course, keep under surveillance by ...
turn keep under surveillance by day and night by their mom and dad, into ..... should be kept under surveillance day and night by their parents.

Change it to parents because many people do not have a mom and dad together, so keep it neutral.

try not to use words like: apparently and seriously... look for synonyms

Also, use more conjunctions and adverbs to make it flow.

Instead of using the word children once and then using they (for replacing children)... use children again, it is okay to as long as it's not in every sentence.

Try to use a less angry tone to get your point across.


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