Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Ielts task 2 : The title is magical inside, plz make it more magical

Ethan Truong 1 / -  
Jun 18, 2017   #1
It is neither possible nor useful for all students to further education after graduation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

the vocational training courses for students

It is widely believed that tertiary education plays such an important role, for it breeds young talents and these students after courses gain more chances to work with high-paid salary. However, I believe not all students should participate in these training programs

At first, financial burden drives certain students away from furthering education. Students who are from poverty-stricken backgrounds face this problem, which induces them to rather opt for vocational programs and earn for a living with a less appealing income, compared to those gaining bright certificate and working for international corporations. Although certain universities provide financial aids but these can not live up to a large number of disadvantaged students. Therefore, these people are encouraged to rather become craftsmen or ordinary workers. I believe being responsible for any tasks regardless of any jobs is appreciative.

Moving to the second reason, there is no guarantee for every students who have attended the tertiary vocational programs secure a job after completing. For example, in certain industrialized countries such as America or Singapore, agricultural major students who even gain the brightest certificate may not find appealing working positions. This leaves those ones to be unemployed and be a burden for society. Another case in this point is that not all students attending after-university programs study what they dream of yet other people, especially parents drive them to do and that these students become unmotivated and under pressure trying their best to live up to parents' expectations. Vietnam is a good example of this point. Therefore, tertiary education should not be for everyone but for real promising students pursuing their true passion.

In conclusion, I reassure my points that the vocational training courses after graduation should not be for all students as they are either unaffordable or unsuitable for certain people.

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,933 2187  
Jun 19, 2017   #2
Ethan, why did you focus on vocational training as the topic for discussion in this essay? There is nothing in the prompt requirements that indicates a specific focus on vocational schools. Rather, the discussion is general in tone and therefore covers everything from a simple work related seminar (continued professional education), masters degree (academic advancement for professional career growth), and PhD studies (executive position professional training). Since there was no focus on a specific after tertiary education academic undertaking, you should not have focused on vocational schooling as the main point of your discussion. You ultimately changed the prompt requirement by discussing a topic that you chose to discuss instead of presenting facts and reasons relating to the original topic presented to you. That said, the mistaken discussion that you made, though somewhat related to the topic on hand, will not get you a passing score in this test. The main reason for the failing score is that you deviated from the prompt requirement.
brayan1996 17 / 35 5  
Jun 19, 2017   #3
Ethan, word of advice never end an essay with "in conclusion." The reader should get the idea that your response is coming to an end by simply looking at it. Try to end your response in a more seamless way so as not to appear monotonous. Give your response a bit of light and color by using description that helps the reader imagine him/herself what you are communicating.

Home / Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2 : The title is magical inside, plz make it more magical