Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

TOELF-should children play computer games


shhzbch 1 / 2  
Jul 13, 2011   #1
When you get into an internet bar, it is not rare to see that many children are addicted into their virtual world playing bloody computer games. Some people think that this is a normal phenomenon since those children need some pleasure after school. This idea is strongly opposed by numerous people who hold the opinion that this phenomenon is abnormal and children shouldn't play computer games. They stand on the ground that those games occupy children's time just too much, which makes those children rarely do exercise and attend group activities, resulting in the children's bad physical condition and isolation. As far as I am concerned, we should say no to children's playing computer games because those games affect those children not only physically but also mentally.

Playing computer games will badly influence children's physical conditions. On the one hand, a child who plays computer games will spend a large amount of time before the computer screen, which is radioactive, leading to the eyesight becoming poorer and poorer. I have a little brother who started to wear glasses not long after he began to play computer games. What's more, his glasses are becoming thicker and thicker since then! And I think that happens to nearly all the children who play computer games. On the other hand, playing computer games alloweds little time for children to do exercise, which weakens their body. The time those children spend before the computer should actually be spend on running, swimming, playing football and enjoying the taste of sweet. But what they do are just watching the screen, clicking the keys and moving the mouse! The irony is that, they may even be very strong in their virtual world while their real body conditions are becoming weaker and weaker!

Playing computer games tends to make children isolate and have an inclination of violence, which cast a cloud on their mental health. While the children are fiercely fighting in the game, there are lots of group activities such as parties and group travel that they are missing. And day by day, the group will forget them, which makes them more rely on the games. And then the vicious circle appears, contributing to their isolation. As we know, most computer games are all about violence, because they can best attract children. In these games, children enjoy the pleasure of firing the guns or waving the swords to kill others. All those make them content and in the meanwhile, contribute to their tendency of violence. They learn from those games that violence is the only and the best way to solve problems. For example, since children began to play computer games in my local area, it can be obviously seen that the violent events involving children are increasing.

Some people might say that children can play computer games in a limited time. But since children have a weak ability of self-discipline, they cannot control themself! And nearly most children who began to play computer games are based on the thoughts that they can control themself, but the result is that most children are addicted in the end! So, all of those discussed above considered, students should not play computer games.
amrosca 4 / 130  
Jul 14, 2011   #2
Hei Yun!
First of all, welcome to EF! Have a nice time around here! :3

I love that you have such a firm opinion about computer games, but know that you don't become addicted to a game if you are happy about your life and have things to do to begin with. Most people end up playing games because they are already depressed or down. The fact that the game doesn't help ameliorate this state of mind is another thing.

However, it was a great essay! :D
OP shhzbch 1 / 2  
Jul 14, 2011   #3
Hi Rosca:
Thank you so much for your careful correction. your opinion is so helpful to me.

The time those children spend before the computer should actually be spend spent on running, swimming, playing football and enjoying the taste of sweet (?). Here, the word 'sweet' should actually be 'sweat'. I'm so careless. :)

Playing computer games will badly influence children's physical conditions. On the one hand, a child who plays computer games will spend a large amount of time before the computer screen, which is radioactive , leading the eyesight to become poorer and poorer. What do you think if I use 'which is full of radioaction' instead of 'which is radioactive'?

There is another question that I really hope you can help me. In the second and the third paragraphies, I used two points respectively. For example, in the second paragraph, I pionts eyesights and body conditions out; in the third paragraph, I used isolation and the inclination of violence. Does this obey the rule of unity? I am so confused.
shanbalook 1 / 1  
Jul 14, 2011   #4
It is take a lot to understand the main idea of youe essay, as I know your theises statment should be clear and come at first or second sentence not at the end of first paragraph. Also as I know all of your main reasons should de mentiond in the first paragragh. I can say a good english has been used but it is not well organized.
amrosca 4 / 130  
Jul 14, 2011   #5
When you get into an internet bar, it is not rare to see that many children are addicted into their virtual world playing bloody computer games.

Does this first sentence NOT reveal what she will write about and what her feelings on this matter are?

[Also, Yun, it's: "it is not rare to see that many children trapped into their virtual world of bloody computer games". Sorry, it somehow slipped the first time.]


Home / Writing Feedback / TOELF-should children play computer games