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Tofel writing part 2--whether children nowadays are more difficult to educate that in previous times

ruslai0 1 / -  
Mar 24, 2019   #1

problems with children education

How to educate children well is always a heated topic among masses, as the fate of the young generation is closely associated with the future of society. Along with rapid high-tech development, some people show their pessimism that children nowadays are more difficult to educate than that in previous times. However, personally speaking, I am convinced current children are in fact easier to educate.

To start, we need to focus closely on how technology development plays a positive role in the growth path of children nowadays. The wide emerge of online resources provide children with more possibilities and choices to discover outside world. I still remember when I was a young child, limited resources around me made me hard to obtain enough accesses to know what the unknown world is, thus causing my narrow horizon toward the whole life. This disadvantageous effect comes along with me throughout my life, which impedes deeply the progress of my study and work. However, for children in current times, they are allowed to discover novelties and other unknown spheres just by tapping small buttons, which can bring them into the pool filled with abundant online resources. In this place, their desires for finding out facts and essences of bizarre items can be greatly met.

Moreover, social networking can also make contributions to one child's growth. Human beings are social animals, which means we are more or less influenced by other people inevitably and implicitly. So, as long as the social network with which children get in touch is deliberately guided by parents, children can actually improve themselves by looking up to other exceptional peers who have well-designed schemes for the future. This is not easy to achieve in the past as children during that period had scarce sources to have contact with other people.

Last but not least, the advancement of technology also brings about new chances for parents to update the way to educate their children. Compared to the previous time, when parents can only exchange the experience or skills concerning education with their neighborhoods or colleagues. The robust emergence of various kind of Apps, which mainly focus on building the community for gathering parents from everywhere, offering more opportunities for parents to absorb good sides from others and renovate their way of treating children. Along with this process, parents are able to reflect on their approaches to teaching their children and are more likely to make more scientific plans to educate them.

Thus, my point is very clear: nowadays, along with the high-speed social development, the difficulty to educate children is lower than in previous times.

Maria [Contributor] - / 952 340  
Mar 24, 2019   #2
Your essay is on the right direction. However, I do suggest that you look into shortening your sentences. If you can reread your essay and find that some portions can be divided into two separate sentences, please do so. This will make your writing easier to read, hence it will improve how comprehensible your essay is.

I also noticed that your third paragraph is quite out of place. Perhaps if you switched your third and fourth paragraph, you can create a better structure as both the second and fourth paragraph discuss dynamics of technology and its correlation with teaching students. You can perhaps start off by discussing how technology paves way for the dissemination of information. Afterwards, you can discuss how progression of technology has also resulted to a new approach to education.

I also suggest that you can add more flair to your essay by merging both social networking and technological advancement in relation to educating people. You may discuss here how technology can assist, for instance, students who are introverted and less outgoing to have more interpersonal skills development because of media-based networks.

You may as well add more details to your conclusion to make it more comprehensive.
Best of luck!

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