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The top performing sportsmen earn huge amount of money as compared to people in other professions


chinkybehl22 10 / 25 4  
Nov 18, 2017   #1
TOPIC:- Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other professions. Some people think this is justified while others think it as unfair. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

sport stars should not be overpaid



Nowadays, top performing sportsmen earn huge amount of money as compared to people in other professions. Some people consider it a rational approach. However, there are a few who think it is unjustifiable. This essay will discuss both the views in detail, followed by my opinion.

Sports professionals with outstanding performance should be overpaid as it is a short-lived career which requires rigorous hard work as compared to other professions. This field demands a strict, disciplined life with extensive physical efforts, consistent practice, a fixed diet schedule to bring pride and glory to the country. Due to such tough requirements, people in this field have an average career span of 10-15 years. As sports professionals have limited tenure, they should be rewarded with high monetary gains to acknowledge their excellent performance.

However, there are a few who think that top performing sportsmen and women should not have high salaries as it is a biased approach. They feel that there are other critical professions which are more valuable to the country as compared to the sports field. For example, the professions, like doctors, social worker, works for the betterment of the society. Their efforts not only help to reduce the social issues prevailing in the community, but they also contribute in providing a healthy environment. As a result, they significantly contribute to the growth of the country. Henceforth, their efforts should be equally recognized along with the sports professionals.

In my opinion, although there are some logical reasons for huge earnings of the top performing players, people from other professions should also be equally appreciated in terms of lucrative monetary benefits for their outstanding contribution. As all the professions are critical in their own field and contributes to the overall development of the country.

To conclude, sports people delivering excellent performance should not be overpaid in comparison to other professionals who make a significant contribution to the society.

naseernasrati 14 / 33 10  
Nov 18, 2017   #2
Hi
your essay is pretty good according to language use and discussion points
but in my opinion if you bring some changes in style of arranging your paragraph while discussing about points that you get as discussion points it will be more better.

and then your essay will get a high score.
try to write this essay in this method
overall four paragraphs
introduction, two paragraph discussing your two sides of view about the prompt and a conclusion paragraph.
in introduction: write a hook + transition + your opinion
in first body paragraph: discuss one side with reasons and examples
in next body paragraph: discuss the other side with reasons and examples
and finally write conclusion paragraph.
another point about this essay:
every paragraph should contain 3-5 sentences.
your conclusion is so short.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,301 3344  
Nov 19, 2017   #3
Chinky, your opening paraphrase was spot on. It was perfect in presentation. The method by which you restated the prompt was totally different from the original, and yet, you were able to keep the message of the prompt that you were provided. You can expect to get high marks within your TA scoring considerations for this type of work.

You made a mistake in the opening sentence of the second paragraph though. You should have included a topic sentence at the beginning that made it clear that this was not yet your personal opinion but rather, the opinion of others. A simple reference to, "Sports managers and athletic fans believe that the professional participants in this sports should be overpaid as..." That way you signify that this is the first point of view, based on public opinion, that you are talking about. You did this successfully in the next paragraph. Another problem occurred when you wrote the personal opinion. You used an extremely long topic sentence instead of breaking it up into topic then discussion sentences. Remember, if you write less than 3 sentences, then the examiner will not consider it a complete paragraph and score you down in that portion of the test. The conclusion suffers from the same problem that can be rectified in the same manner.
OP chinkybehl22 10 / 25 4  
Nov 19, 2017   #4
Thanks! for the feedback, It really helped.
sfiza 17 / 28  
Dec 1, 2017   #5
@chinkybehl22

hello, I have read your whole essay. as per my knowledge I have rearrange your essay to make it correct form as to writing format.

Now-a-days, top performing sportsmen earn huge amount of money as compared to people in other professions. Some people consider it a rational approach. However, there others think that it is unjustifiable. This essay will discuss both the views in detail, followed by my opinion.

Advocates of sportsmen believe that the high remuneration of talented sportsmen is rational. As such professionals lead a strict, disciplined life with extensive physical efforts, consistent practice, and a fixed diet schedule to bring pride and glory to the country. Due to such tough requirements, people in this field have a short-lived career. As sports professionals have limited tenure, they should be rewarded with high payment to acknowledge their excellent performance.

However, some voices urge that brilliant sports person should not be overpaid as it is a biased approach. They feel that other critical professions, who are more valuable rather than the sports field. To illustrate, the professions, like doctors, and bureaucracy effort not only help to reduce the social issues prevailing in the community, but they also provide a healthy environment. Henceforth, their efforts should be equally recognized along with the sports professionals.

In my opinion, the performance of top players is overvalued regardless the span of its benefits to people. Despite of having benefits of sport, I support that professionals such as social workers and engineers must be rewarded. They should also be appreciated in terms of lucrative monetary benefits for their outstanding contribution for the development.

To conclude, there are convincing arguments both for and against sports stars' high salaries. It is commonly seen that others professionals are pioneer of modern world. In this regard, I think that the long-term contribution should be valued by rewarding them in terms money.

if i made any mistake pls inform here, I m also learner here.

HOPE IT WILL HELP YOU.

keep writing :)


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