Hi all,
I found this question was bit odd. I am not sure whether I hit the right points and prepare it in an appropriate structure, appreciated all your comments. cheers
Food can be produced cheaper if we use improved fertilisers and better machinery. However some of methods may be dangerous for human health, and have negative effects for local communities. What is your opinion?
In recent years, the discussion about the agriculture development has become a controversy. While some appear to believe that advanced plant foods incorporate with newly developed devices significantly reduce the cost of producing farm products, others argue that this collaboration exerts a series of negative effects to people's health condition and the society.
Admittedly, applying the advanced fertilisers in combine with the automatic reaping resources increase farmers' economic profit. This is because artificial fertilisers catalyse the capacity of each inch of farmland in order to churn out the crops, and automatic machinery enhances the work efficiency of the harvest. Consequently, the production and labour cost of each kilogram of the agriculture products dramatically decreased.
However, high-tech fertilisers pose a potential threat to individuals' health well-being. Unlike the organic plant foods, industrialised fertilisers are made of unusual chemicals, which are not only varying the gene of crops into those unknown substances but also remaining inside of plants permanently. In this case, consumers who intake those fertilised products on a regular base tend to suffer a series of disease in the future.
Moreover, excessively relying on the electronic equipment for harvest causes several impacts to the society. One is that it worsens the air pollution by releasing the excessive exhaust emission. In contrast, manual harvest prevents severe environmental damages. For another, mechanical reaper causes the rise of the unemployment rate in the farming industry, possibly because high-end reaping plants replace a large number of workers in the fields.
In conclusion, even though newly developed plant foods and machinery make significant financial success for the farmers, it is convincing that the demerits of applying these new developments in the agriculture industry cannot be overlooked.
...While some appear to believe that advanced plant foods incorporated with newly developed devices significantly reduce the cost of producing farm products, others argue that this collaboration exerts a series of negative effects to people's health condition and the society.
Consequently, the production and labour cost of each kilogram of the agriculture products are dramatically decreased..
However, high-tech fertilisers pose a potential threat to individuals' health and well-being. Unlike the organic plant foods, industrialised fertilisers are made of unusual chemicals, which are not only varying the gene of crops into those unknown substances but also remaining inside of plants permanently. In this case, consumers who intakeconsume those fertilised products on a regular basebasis tend to suffer a series of disease in the future.
I have only highlighted areas which need revision; the rest is great. I think you answered the question quite effectively. You could shorten your sentences a bit, maybe break them into more so it is easier to read. Otherwise,,, nice!!!
Good luck!
Hi buddy,
Your essay is very good and except a few grammatical mistakes as mentioned above by the Moderator, everything seems to be ok. However, just also add the theme sentence at the end of the introductory paragraph so as to highlight the argument you are going to support in the essay.
Hope it helps u..
Good luck and cheers!!!!
I mean in Biology 101 I learned that run off by fertilizers into local streams causes algae bloom which can kill the aquatic plant and fish life in the pond or stream
