Unanswered [2] | Urgent [1]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Topic : best way to solve the problem of poverty is to set up businesses with rich countries

guydragon 1 / -  
Apr 19, 2017   #1
I'm practising writing ielts test task 2 so i hope someone can check my writing and complain for me ! thanks all
Topic : some people think that the best way to solve the problem of poverty in many countries is to set up businesses and improve trade links with rich countries.

cooperation with richer, developed states is beneficial

Establishing new companies in poor countries and rising trade with developed countries is interesting idea to deal with the poverty.
The connection between poor and rich countries help their business is easier.For example, the international companies can help poor countries by contruct a factory to provide jobs for citizen and taxes for goverment build up their countries.In addition,trade links with rich coutries bring to poor coutries many benefits from technology, it can help them solve power resources, industry or medical,such as new modern technical construction can help developing nation decreasing a lot of time build up the facilities.

In my experience,base on the knowledge of rich countries, poor countries can learn a lot of helpful policy in training their people.For instance, if people are taught reading,writing and mathematics,they can improve their own live without outside help.Moreover,they can set up their own small businesses making local goods such as furniture and then they can be sold for export.

In conclusion,maybe poor countries can solve their trouble, but it will be solved quickly and easily by connect with developed nation. Increasing trade links and establishing businesses with rich countries is the best way to improve the financial and economy in many countries.

okorobiadimma14 6 / 82 50  
Apr 21, 2017   #2
Huy, it is usually difficult to tell if your draft has answered the prompt of the essay if we do not know what it states. Always ensure that you post the whole prompt including the question(s) and not just the information provided for the essay. Having said that, I will now give a general assessment of your current post. In the first instance, your essay is short and has failed the 250 minimum word criteria typical of IELTS writing task 2. This would drastically reduce your overall score in the real test. I can understand from your write-up that you are trying to support the idea stated in the prompt. However, your current draft will earn you a low score not more than 4 because your essay does not contain an introduction, as well as lacks proper paraphrasing of the prompt. Usually, this kind of essay should contain an introduction in which the prompt question is paraphrased and an overview of the points to be discussed in the body of the essay is given. In the next 2-3 paragraphs, the ideas highlighted in the introduction are discussed in separate paragraphs and then the essay is concluded in a very concise manner (also paragraphed). So, as your current essay has just two paragraphs, it is poorly developed and would fetch an undesirable score. The points you raised are commendable but lack of introduction and incomplete elaboration are the key problems of your current draft. Altogether, your sentence construction is admirable although you need to keep practicing so as to improve your writing skills in all ramifications.

Home / Writing Feedback / Topic : best way to solve the problem of poverty is to set up businesses with rich countries