TOPIC - CAUSES AND SOLUTIONS OF THE RISING UNEMPLOYMENT RATE

CAUSES AND SOLUTIONS OF THE RISING UNEMPLOYMENT RATE

The increase in the proportion of the unemployed, in automation and modernization age especially, is a formidable challenge to both job seekers and the society in general. This phenomenon is attributed to many related parties, such as the theoretical education systems, the discouraged economic policies,... There are, however, some practical solutions for dealing with this worrying question.

To be honest, due to both subjective and objective reasons, the labour market is always in the lopsidedness. At the forefront of all, it is the theoretical education system that makes a thousand bachelors every year without employability skills. As if to exemplify, in almost colleges and universities, students are just taught in mere theory and take exams on paper so that they are less likely to conform themselves to real jobs' requirements. Beside that, the overpopulation, particularly in third countries, leads to a number of job seekers are far higher than that of available fobs. Last but not least, because of the development of science and technology such as automatic systems and artificial intelligence, which are being used to operate machines and producing processes, manual workers are more likely to lose their jobs. For example, robot taxi is presenting in some countries, which are developed such as, Japan, Dubai, Singapore, it predicts that taxi drivers will not available for human in several next years.

There are some suggested solutions for tackling this problem. Firstly, administrators should reform the education system. School, especially vocational schools and universities, should give their students courses of career orientation and train them in reality working environment instead of theoretical learning. Additionally, governments, especially in third countries, should exert control on the rate of birth so that reducing the burden on their economies. Moreover, to decrease the percentage of jobless individuals, the management should make a chance and support finance to domestic skill employees to export for working abroad.

To wrap things up, the rising unemployment rate is a crucial economic question that requires the collaboration of schools and governments for mitigating.

Mandy, are you writing an essay for an IELTS practice test or is this just meant to help you brush up on your English grammar and composition skills? There are a number of punctuation errors that can be found in your essay. For starters, you are using both a comma and ellipses in a single sentence. You cannot have both of those punctuation marks in a single sentence because these signify different sentence punctuation commands. A comma means that a connected sentence is going to be introduced while the ellipses are used to signify the omission of a word, line, or paragraph from a quoted statement or when space is made to avoid irrelevant context. That was not your intention in the essay since you started a new sentence after the mistaken punctuation marks.

An essayist cannot say "As if to exemplify" because to say "as if" means you are asking a person to pretend and the word "exemplify" translates to "giving an example". One cannot say 'As if giving an example", which is what your phrase means. The proper wording would have been "Take for example" or "Consider as example", or other similar meaning phrases. If you are not sure about how to say something. I strongly suggest that you look up the proper presentation for the phrase first. Making such a mistake shows a lack of English language familiarity and word control. It reflects badly on your academic writing.

Now, since you did not signify if this is a practice essay test, I will not delve into the possible problems that the essay contains in relation to any given English exam that you might be preparing for. If you are preparing for an exam, please make sure to notify me as to what kind of exam that is so that I can rate and consider the work that you are submitting accordingly.

@MandyTran
Hi Tran, your essay impressed me with decent vocabulary in the introduction, but as I processed through the body paragraphs some problems became very noticeable:

- Wrong uses of words.
- Confusing sentence structures.
I would also advise you to give out fewer points, along with more supporting detail. You included three causes and three solutions, thus making the essay 334 words while the conclusion was quite short and didn't "wrap up" your body paragraphs. I understand your intention to present as many ideas as you can, but you should rather prioritize and focus on the most important ones. I used to make the same mistake, but soon realized that it would leave little time for the conclusion.

Here I provide some alternatives to your mistakes, bear in mind that this is based on my level, which is not advanced. I'm not English native anyway :/

To be honest, due to both subjective and ...
... system that makes a thousand (you dont mean a specific number) thousands of bachelors ...
As if to exemplify, in almost most colleges and universities, (...) on paper so that they are less likely ...
Beside that, the overpopulation, (...) of job seekers which are far higher...
... to operate machines and producing processes (???), manual workers ...
For example, robot taxi is presenting in some countries...[if/s] the dominance of robot taxis in countries such as Japan, Dubai and Singapore, has posed a threat to some drivers' professions in the upcoming time.

... courses of career orientation and train them in reality working environment provide on-the-job training instead of theoretical learning.
... individuals, the management should make a chance... employers could offer opportunities and financial support for domestic employees to work abroad.

To wrap things up In conclusion, the rising unemployment ...