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Topic: Children engaging in paid work can have both negative and positive effects

stranger1130 2 / 3  
Aug 19, 2009   #1
Today, the society's development makes children become more and more active. Many of them have a paid work although they are children, still less than 18 years old. While some people disagree with it, others are totally in favor

In some developed country like US or UK, there are many paid work for children. They are fostered to have a part-time job. Many students in Asia think that a part-time job is a convincing reason when they apply for a scholarship in US or UK.

In the first place, having a paid work can help them to improve their skills which are maybe useful for their future. Such as being a baby-sitter now is really suitable for anyone who wants to be a teacher in future. Even if your work now isn't associated with one in future, it's still a wonderful experience.

The second, having a paid work makes them understand how hard it's to earn money and they will use it more correctly. Moreover, when they are engaged in a paid job, it's sure that they become more and more independent. They don't need to ask their parents for money like they used to. In some countries, children who have a paid work can live their own life: have their apartment to stay, their money to spend. The earlier we start, the nearer we come to success. To parents whose children like that, they will be proud even thought they must be worry a lot. They worry about their children's jobs or being tired and what if their children spend money correctly or not.

To be engaged in a paid job isn't easy but it's very exciting. Whatever we think about those, they are just children. When agree with them to have a paid job, their parents have to make sure that they always keep an eye on them

here is my test, please corret it for me. TIA

EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Aug 20, 2009   #2
Can you say the purpose for which you wrote this essay and also give us the exact prompt? Here, you seem to stray from talking about child labor to talking about the benefits of a part-time job. Obviously, the problem of child labor -- quite young children working instead of going to school -- is something different than older students holding down part-time jobs.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Aug 20, 2009   #3
Is this a TOEFL essay? It sort of seems like an answer to the prompt about whether or not students should take part-time jobs. However, Simone is right, your use of the word "children" to refer to teenagers is confusing, as it evokes images of child labor, which is very different from teenagers earning a bit of spending money as they try to become more independent from their parents.
OP stranger1130 2 / 3  
Aug 20, 2009   #4
Hi, thanks for your replies. This is an IELTS essay. This topic is:" In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as a valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility". However, I seem to stray. Maybe. I should do it again.
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Aug 21, 2009   #5
I can see how the prompt -- which itself blurs the distinction between child labor and youth employment -- led you to stray. But note that the word used in the prompt is "children," which in English usually means those who have not entered puberty. (We tend to call teen-agers "adolescents.") Your essay was more appropriate to the question of adolescents having jobs and did a good job of listing the benefits of employment for youth. But it did not address the question of children working for pay.

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