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iELTS WRITING TASK 2: Topic: In cities, large shopping center and supermarket become more popular


Buivandat 2 / 3 1  
Jul 1, 2018   #1
Topic:
In cities, large shopping center and supermarket become more popular than small local shop. Is this positive or negative development.

Those desirable modern shopping centers..



Answer:
In recent years, the appearance of modern shopping areas such as big commercial centers and supermarkets in the cities is more popular than small local shops. While I accept that this may be a positive development, I believe that it is also a negative one.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why this trend is beneficial in some ways. Firstly, local residents will find it easier to buy some kinds of essential things like food and household items in big-scale shopping buildings instead of going to more than one location. There is definitely a variety of products in a similar commercial complex, which is what most citizens expect these days to save their own times. Secondly, some small stores sell their products such as fruits and drinks without verified origins which is forced in either each shop of shopping complex or supermarket. If any object is bought in the supermarket, its quality will be guaranteed.

On the other hand, this development can be extremely negative. One reason is that the business of local employers will be affected because of the competition between them and the owners of commercial buildings. This will bring about a considerable decrease of local income, which may lead a part of the locals unable to make ends meet. Furthermore, the excessive growth of such large shopping areas can lead to the shortage of space for public usage. As a result, the local inhabitants will have less place to do physical activities like sports and morning exercises.

In conclusion, it is certainly true that these modern shopping buildings should be more popular, but this is by no means that these places will be excessively developed.
Red Moon 14 / 32 6  
Jul 1, 2018   #2
I'm not a native speaker but I can help you about your essay.
First, I think you're good at arranging your ideas because in my opinion, your paragraphs are developed well and logical. You also use long and complex sentences and academic words. However, you have small mistakes throughout your essay.

the appearance of modern shopping areas...
For me, "the appearance" in this sentence is confusing and not necessary.
to save their own times
It sounds weird. I would write "to save time".
without verified origins which are forced in both shopping complexes and supermarkets
which may lead ... to beunable to
...these places should be excessively developed.
I wouldn't use "will" in this sentence.

I'll be happy if you also help me with my essays in the future.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4773  
Jul 2, 2018   #3
Bui, this is not a comparison essay but rather a single opinion essay discussion. A comparison essay indicates the instructions "Discuss both points of view" in its instruction sentence. In a single opinion essay, you are asked to choose one point of view based on the choice word "or" which means you have to pick one side and focus only on that discussion for the full essay. You cannot discuss both because you have to convince the reader that your opinion is the correct one, without offering comparison points. The clarity of your explanation will help to convince the reader.

Now, since you discussed both points of view in this essay, you will only get a partial score as you created a prompt deviation in the essay. You will be scored on the "negative" discussion alone because that is one where you indicated a belief in your thesis statement.

Your discussion of 2 topics in one paragraph did not allow you to fully develop your explanations and justifications for either topic in the paragraphs. This means that the examiner will read your essay and determine that your paragraphs are not completely developed which will affect your C&C score. It will also result in points deductions for the GRA section due to lack of transition sentences between topics and paragraphs. Simply counting "First, Second" does not qualify as a transition sentence. That can only be used to count off your paragraphs instead.

The conclusion needs to stop being a run-on sentence. Discuss the statement in 3 sentences instead in order to meet the paragraph / sentence requirements of the C&C scoring section.


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