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Topic: Describe one of the happiest days of my life (a paragraph of about 200 words).


Cozy19s 1 / -  
Jun 2, 2019   #1
Hi guys.

My essay:

It was actually interesting to talk about my delighted days that I forget these meaningful days in Nha Trang yet. After I had completed my work, I got a short rest alongside with my co-workers, so this trip became more fantastic and blissful without my active kids. That said, Nha Trang is a modern city and busy at much, so I had to spent nearly all days in my inn to take only a handful of photos, enjoy seafood, drink some jam, and have a fantastic buffet in the evening together with a skillful band that I never see before. After that, in the early morning, I made use of time to around the beach, saw the sunrise, thought about my career and my cozy family still, and indeed, I found myself like the best version of myself at this point. In addition, in the end of trip, I bought a handful of gifts, took a group photo, talked to Nha Trang I love it so much. Honestly, Nha Trang becomes a part of my mind, which give me more experience for my hard live make me recording over the moon moments. All in all , I will return here with my own family, rain or shine.

I'll will be really happy if anyone helps me. Thank you guys so much.
Maria - / 1,099 389  
Jun 3, 2019   #2
@Cozy19s
Hello there!

Because you only have two hundred words, using essay optimization techniques would help you have more depth in your writing. There are multiple ways to go about this. For one, you can omit unnecessary and irrelevant words, causing you to focus only on content that you actually need to establish your points in your essay. Remove filler words as well. Afterwards, you can focus on elaborating your thoughts through simpler structures. This does not mean that you cannot use complex sentences - rather, this means that you should evade dragging your sentences in an exhausting manner.

Try to observe how I revise to show you what I mean by these comments.

It was actually interesting to ... that I forget these ... Trang yet have forgotten how meaningful Nha Trang is. After I had completed my work, I got a short took a rest alongside with my co-workers, so this trip ... kids. That said, Nha Trang is a modern and busy city and busy at much, so I had to spent nearly all my days in mythe inn to take only a handful of ..., drink some jam, and haveeat at a fantastic ... together with a ... before., listening to a band.

Notice the changes I have made.

I hope I helped. Best of luck in your writing!


Home / Writing Feedback / Topic: Describe one of the happiest days of my life (a paragraph of about 200 words).