Give it marks so that I know what I should do more.
I can give you advice, but if I give a mark I might confuse you. All marks are based on certain criteria, and any mark I gave you would be based on my own criteria, not the criteria of those who might give you a TOEFL or some other test like that.
So I will not give a mark, but I will give suggestions:
Although difference makes life variant, differences most commonly cause contrast, argument and even enmity. --- I hope I changed this sentence correctly. I think this is what you mean to say! Is it?
Yet it is not pragmatic and most effective to put away difference in order to bring about peace; instead, we should create common goals.
Establishing mutual pursuits helps people focus more on their same purpose rather than
differences and provides
opportunity for constructive argument, where they gradually understand others through working together.
For instance, in ancient times, when two adverse countries were all faced with common enemies, they would seek for consensus for peace and fight together to protect their own countries.------ good sentence!
Some may argue that was just temporary peace, yet it gave time for two countries to work together, understand other's values, and
respect the other, which could provide the true, lasting peace. ----- wow, another good sentence. You are smart. Yes, we come together as friends when we have a common enemy or a common challenge to face.
As one saying: "Much of the vitality in a friendship lies in honouring of differences, not simply in the enjoyment of similarities", thus, there will be no true peace if both sides do not appreciate other's dissimilarities. ---- I am so impressed. You make mistakes, but you also have some sentences that are of very high quality. I hope you keep practicing a lot, because you have a talent for language. Please check out essayforum.com/ef-contributor-page/
Some may think that creating mutual goals just solely concerns similarities, but
in fact, it greatly honors the differences. It gives us chance to work ...
Just through work do people develop their mind and just through work do we learn to understand others' differences like one saying of Confucius: "I hear, I know. I see, I remember. I do, I understand." Let the same goals lead us to the true peace and provide us potent power. Like the oceans, we are only large when we accumulate much from various sources to form one united entity.